Your Biphobia Makes Me Sad

You wouldn't want to see a little girl cry would you?

Edit: I'm blogging on pure rage, I say "fuck" and other variations a lot.

So, you know, I've engaged in biphobia before. Like my agnostic buddies I've called them flip-floppers. Mixed up individuals. MODERATES (oh noez). Which is strange coming from someone who's more or less bisexual with an affinity more to females. I cut it out eventually when I realized how fucking dumb it was (I used to do a lot of dumb things). That's pretty fucked up, but what's ALSO fucked up is denying that someone exists because you either don't think it can happen or you've never seen it happen.

Let's take it from the top with asexuals. Do you believe asexuality exists in humans? Of course you don't, everyone wants to get laid at some point, never mind the group of people who, calling themselves asexual, sort of disprove this. But you've never seen it in real life, and furthermore, SCIENCE, so it can't and doesn't exist, and FURTHERMORE you don't want those icky creatures tacked on to your "movement".

Let's keep going with...I dunno, polar bears. I've been to my fair share of zoos but damned if I've ever seen a real polar bear up close, despite Youtube and scientific evidence. I've never seen one up close therefore they don't exist.

He who does not feel me is not real to me therefore he doesn't exist

Let's see...what else. Pagans. I've never seen a real pagan that stayed pagan for very long, despite evidence to the contrary so they don't exist.

Okay, bisexuals. What IS it about bisexuality that confuses/disturbs people so badly? So someone's attracted to both sexes. You don't believe them? Guess what, they don't have to prove shit to you for your clarification.

This shit annoys me. It annoys me when straights say bisexuals don't exist, but it annoys me even more when the GL community pulls this shit. You know who else doesn't exist? Gays! We're horrific freaks of nature, fucked up by one or two genes that make us attracted to the same sex. Where are the benefits? We can't conceive babehs or marry each other. Why do we do this?!

...And here we go turning on bisexuals. We don't want those icky people attached to our movement because they're weird and unnatural! We're at war pick a side! /colbert

Reading this thread (and the link therein) a few days ago made me rather sad and really just gave me one more reason to be really annoyed with the GL community. Which is a pity because I used to like it until it started becoming apparent that I wasn't wanted there either.

You're uncomfortable with bisexuals. You don't think they're really real, like the invisible pink unicorn. But! you want equal rights and shit. You know who also wants to deny certain groups equal rights? Your opponents! They want to deny you rights and deny your existence! Do you see how fucking dumb that is? I'm not comfortable with people in jail but I don't think they should live in sub-human conditions, this coming from someone who has had two uncles murdered.

Sure, you've never seen one of those rare elusive bisexuals in real life or you're think they're all just faking. Lulz! Too bad we can't just shut off our sexuality and our personalities like Them O Mighty Privileged. I'd like the G&L community to get their shit together, again, and check back with us aft'while. I'm gonna be busy trying to advocate and shit and not fucking around with who and what I want tacked to "my side" or what I think or don't think exists.

Lulz, these get angrier and angrier.

Ally failitudes and *sadness*

First, failitudes:

Being an ally is tough work. Not "omg woe is meeee" tough but "augh I fucked up, let me try that again" tough. The difference is the former, I think, is more self-serving, and the latter is an admittance of need-to-do-better-ness, not only because you feel you have to, but because you WANT to.

Over Twitter last night I talked about a song Danz had sent me from a trans performer named Adhamh Roland. Danz said he was a trans woman, and I gleefully went about saying "she" until I stumbled upon his Myspace and realized I should be using male pronouns. Oops! I changed, but kept stumbling because...well he looks and sounds female, and in my binary mind = girl = she regardless of every source referring to him as a "he". Oops again!

While talking about the artist at some point my brain clicked in with "auuuug this is harrrrd~ *flailflail*" in a sort of self defeating manner. I didn't totally give up though.

You see, also, in my journey on becoming a better ally and maybe a better human being in the proecess, I've been trying to figure out how to tackle trans issues. I write up blog posts in my sleep (no shit) and dismiss them like little mental drafts because they're never quite right. Because I've been so focused on the negative aspects of life--which is driving me nuts--all I wanted to talk about was transphobia.

The thing about transphobia is, I think of all the isms and phobias, it actually confuses me most of all. Gays & lesbians can be transphobic and I've seen it and just thought "Eh?" Then those normal cisgendered hetero folks can be transphobic as well--even gleefully so. And it's so strange to me when anyone is derided and abused just for living their lives, even with the groups you'd think they would belong with, like the gay & lesbian community. But that's also the same community that blamed blacks for prop 8 and has apparently decided that bisexuals of any type don't exist so I should take that back...no I'm not bitter at all.

Pretty sure last year I talked about the Remembering Our Dead project and I'm still astounded at how many trans women and trans men are murdered each year. That's part of the reason I'm so anxious about the Angie Zapata trial (note: I'm too stupid right now to figure out the light a candle button so don't think I just forgot about it or something, working on it). I want to see a court charge this as a hate crime and put a foot down and say this is MURDER and it's a HATEFUL murder. You killed this woman because she was different and you deserve to be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.

But who knows how that will turn out...it seems our country is still having a hard trouble accepting "differences"--I'm looking at you, entire country, even Hawaii and Alaska--and I'm feeling rather moot instead of optimistic. Being an ally is tough work...when there's not even any hope in you.

If I may transition to SADNESS, occasionally I'll bump into people I don't really want to be ally'd with. No, not the groups I'm ally'ing for, but other allies. Let's talk about my fucking Am Lit II professor yet again.

See, prof has declared himself a "bleeding heart liberal" in front of the class...with no irony, and even has the nice pink triangle on his office door, which I GUESS makes him a friend to gays. This man is no friend of mine though and I'd rather he not be.

I know, we can't all be enlightened. But I really doubt your "liberal" credentials when you can refer to a story involving Zora Neale Hurston in which she allegedly molested a "retarded" child and then call Zelda Fitzgerald "insane" and "crazy".

SADNESS.

Even more SADNESS is the failure of the class--including myself--to call him out on this...stupid-speak. I felt like less of an ally and more of an apathetic student, which I am, but I picked the wrong time to just lose all empathy (and feeling in my pimp-hand).

Being an ally is tough work and never-ending, sometimes tiring, sometimes gratifying, sometimes amazing, sometimes AMAZING, sometimes NYARLATHOTEP BE PRAISED. And I hope I can continue...

Amazon, get thee to a corner and sitteth down

Well, I actually have no idea what to say on this other than:

1) Eh? Again?
2) Ah, gay hate
3) My closet is still stuck
4) Oh that amazon thing is really stupid

So I'll just direct everyone to these two posts and if you want a summary, well...

Looks like Amazon is stripping sales ranks from GLBT/Qetc books because they're adult in material. You may say, "Oh...so?" Well that means when you search for, say, Heather Has Two Mommies, you'll instead get books on healing your gayness. Not quite what you were looking for is it? See, we're talking ANY gay literature, not just the naughty stuff.

I dunno, I seem to remember similar incidents a year ago in which Amazon actually did censor actual erotic literature, which was also kinda fucking stupid, but I may have either imagined that or they've just fixed it. Anyway, the point is now someone either cried mama or Amazon's lost its collective mind and has decided no one needs to see those dirty gay books, BUT you can still probably get graphically illustrated Kama Sutra translations and stuff~ good logic there.

Edit: Well, Amazon does still seem to have a vendetta against erotic literature, but taking down NON-erotic works of gay literature in the process is just...um...what's the word...not...right? Yeah.

I feel like if I read any more on this I'll just launch a massive trolling campaign for the fuck of it so until I see further breaking news I'm just going to stare.

Edit: If you're that hooked on Amazon and wondering, "Well if I boycott the fuckers how will I finish reading Ranma 1/2?!" or some such, try IndieBound, the link to which I nabbed from Random Babble.

Oh and Powell's. For real, keep the fail coming Amazon. Can't stop won't stop til I get free clothes!

11 year old commits suicide over gay bullying, a bigger problem

I have a bigger post to make about this but I realized human events don't just wait until it's convenient for you to talk about them.

But this story just kills me. I'm so sick of people fucking around with children and not taking them seriously. Bullying is a fucking problem no matter who it is but you do NOT sit on kids getting bullied and act like they get over it. You DO NOT. You handle it quickly, swiftly, and appropriately and it seems schools aren't interested in doing any of the three.

/fuck

Borrowed from...strangely enough, Perez Hilton. Don't worry we're going to get all up in this shit when I'm feeling a little more coherent.

GLSEN Calls on Schools, Nation to Embrace Solutions to Bullying Problem

NEW YORK, April 9, 2009 - An 11-year-old Massachusetts boy, Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover, hung himself Monday after enduring bullying at school, including daily taunts of being gay, despite his mother’s weekly pleas to the school to address the problem. This is at least the fourth suicide of a middle-school aged child linked to bullying this year.

Carl, a junior at New Leadership Charter School in Springfield who did not identify as gay, would have turned 12 on April 17, the same day hundreds of thousands of students will participate in the 13th annual National Day of Silence by taking some form of a vow of silence to bring attention to anti-LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender) bullying and harassment at school. The other three known cases of suicide among middle-school students took place in Chatham, Evanston and Chicago, Ill., in the month of February.

"Our hearts go out to Carl’s mother, Sirdeaner L. Walker, and other members of Carl's family, as well as to the community suffering from this loss," GLSEN Executive Director Eliza Byard said. "As we mourn yet another tragedy involving bullying at school, we must heed Ms. Walker’s urgent call for real, systemic, effective responses to the endemic problem of bullying and harassment. Especially in this time of societal crisis, adults in schools must be alert to the heightened pressure children face, and take action to create safe learning environments for the students in their care. In order to do that effectively, as this case so tragically illustrates, schools must deal head-on with anti-gay language and behavior."

Two of the top three reasons students said their peers were most often bullied at school were actual or perceived sexual orientation and gender expression, according to From Teasing to Torment: School Climate in America, a 2005 report by GLSEN and Harris Interactive. The top reason was physical appearance.

"As was the case with Carl, you do not have to identify as gay to be attacked with anti-LGBT language," Byard said. "From their earliest years on the school playground, students learn to use anti-LGBT language as the ultimate weapon to degrade their peers. In many cases, schools and teachers either ignore the behavior or don’t know how to intervene."

Nearly 9 out of 10 LGBT youth (86.2%) reported being verbally harassed at school in the past year because of their sexual orientation, nearly half (44.1%) reported being physically harassed and about a quarter (22.1%) reported being physically assaulted, according to GLSEN’s 2007 National School Climate Survey of more than 6,000 LGBT students.

In most cases, the harassment is unreported. Nearly two-thirds of LGBT students (60.8%) who experience harassment or assault never reported the incident to the school. The most common reason given was that they didn’t believe anything would be done to address the situation. Of those who did report the incident, nearly a third (31.1%) said the school staff did nothing in response. While LGBT youth face extreme victimization, bullying in general is also a widespread problem. More than a third of middle and high school students (37%) said that bullying, name-calling or harassment is a somewhat or very serious problem at their school, according to From Teasing to Torment. Bullying is even more severe in middle school. Two-thirds of middle school students (65%) reported being assaulted or harassed in the previous year and only 41% said they felt very safe at school.

Carl's suicide comes about a year after eighth-grader Lawrence King was shot and killed by a fellow student in a California classroom, allegedly because he was gay.

GLSEN recommends four simple approaches schools can take to begin addressing bullying now.

Said Walker in the Springfield Republican: "If anything can come of this, it's that another child doesn't have to suffer like this and there can be some justice for some other child. I don't want any other parent to go through this."

Some peeps at ETSU are gay.

When you see it, you will LOL.

GLBTies, our local glbt militia, have been making the rounds lately. Too bad the petty bastards won't change their meeting times, but I loves them anyways.

Ah, gay history erasure: Black Edition

So, for what's probably going to amount to be a pretty short post, I've thought about this a lot. What to say?

First off, I'm having a blog memory fail because I wanted to show you all a particular & interesting article I saw a few days ago that made me think of this...but now I can't find it *sad* goddamnit Xands.

AHAHAHAHAHA I FOUND IT. It's was Kai Wright's essay called "Queering Hansberry" here. The full essay is included with that link. Thank you very much Google.

That may turn out to be okay though because what I'm about to say isn't exactly new *shrug* as you may tell by the title. By damn I might just have to switch my major to history 'fore too long. It is a great interest of mine, by the way, even if I wouldn't call myself a buff. Is it so wrong to want to see all the facets of history represented equally?

History just focuses on the winners, no, and we are not the winners, that's for sure. If I had that blog entry on hand I wanted to show *sigh* this would make sense, but for the past couple of days I've been wondering about the black community and it's erasure of LGBT history. Specifically the black community because in this case, I mean we're doing it to ourselves.

When my history class last semester snuck (yeah I said snuck, do something about it) homosexuality into our lessons I was amazed and excited. Holy shit he just acknowledged the history of gays in the military. No shit! Too bad that professor gave such drama and is now gone. Then, as you know, I'm in African American history class now...

Part of our grade in that class is our ability to do oral¹ and we all more or less chose a topic in the beginning of the year--a person to give a report on. We ran a little late even for being a small class but I think everyone that needed to has performed, we've gone from Reconstruction to the Harlem Renaissance so we're about in the 50s now.

Now...the reports don't have to be terribly thorough, just THOROUGH ENOUGH for about 5 minutes. Fine. One person gave a report on Langston Hughes and I was...disturbed at a lot of info that was missing (again, thorough enough). But while I was taking notes I mused on the first time I heard that Langston is/might have been (jury's still out of course) a closeted gay. As well as his potential Communist ties, for some reason we just like to glide over that. Then another person gave a report on Claude McKay who was bisexual--again I wondered, "Huh." Then someone neglected to mention that Paul Robeson was blacklisted for alleged communist ties. WTF, pick up people.

The reports were thorough enough. I wondered after the class, a little before my migraine from hell, SHOULD the reports have mentioned Langston & Claude's respective homosexuality & bisexuality? Was it trivia or an important facet of both of their lives? Hmm.

Those are only two examples though...the blog entry I'm still looking for references Lorraine Hansberry, writer of Raisin in the Sun. Did you know she had LGBT community ties as well? If you did you knew better than I did...it seems that aspect of her life is just washed over.

It's pretty irritating and disturbing how easy it is to just wash over the gay & lesbian history of blacks. We're already marginalized for our skin color, just Cthulhu help you if you've got something else going on over there. People of color, it seems, are in general at more risk of coming out that closet than our white counterparts *shrug* it's not a great situation...with blacks especially it seems our strong community ties to the Church seem to be at the unfortunate root of it. Many of us take that "love the sinner hate the sin" garbage a little too far and people suffer.

It's a curious thing. I wonder if my African American History class will be open enough--by open I mean timewise--to include just a little LGBT history in our curriculum. As we get closer to the 60s & 70s it won't be as easy to deny it I don't think, it's got to come up in there somewhere. I hope it does.


_{Note¹: I'm actually worried about how often I can get away with saying that.}

I see you don't quite get shit: Anthropology Edition

You know what, I'm bout to pop people in the face.

If you're unfortunate enough to follow my Twittering Train you may have heard that yesterday I'd gotten zero hours of sleep and proceeded to class hopped up on sugar and caffeine. Needless to say that day ended in a 10 hour marathon nap.

I tell you that to explain that I've officially been up 13 hours today about about 3 o'clock because thanks to that long kiss goodnight, I've been up since 2 this morning. Hopped up on even MORE sugar¹, AND it's sunny outside. So I'm rather hyper today :D I'm typing this blog post from upside a wall.

AHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

So proceed to my cultural anthropology class were we're a-talking about gender. I usually love my anthro class since we're such a talkative bunch and today was no different. For extra fun, our regular prof had hear graduate assistant, a sociologist, teaching instead! YEYUH!

Now...uh...here's where the title of my post comes in. I sometimes feel--while I don't like to toot my superior intelligence²--that self-identifying or belonging to not one but a few minority groups (black. female. unstraight. *shatner*) sometimes it feels like I just get shit more. I read a lot. I blog. I'm in Bloggity Blogland where I learn. And let's just say that when I hear women make way less than men for doing the same job, I don't question the validity of that shit, I can tell you it's true and I can tell you a few other things that are true.

Being "outside the box" as in neither white nor male nor straight, it seems that I can grasp the conflicty things that perhaps gender, being a social construct, isn't static. It's dynamic, it changes from culture to culture. If you tell me that some Native American tribes believed there were 3 or even 4 genders I'm past the stage where I'll boggle at you like "NUH UH THAT CAN'T BE POSSIBLE COZ THERE'S ONLY MALE AND FEMALE", I will say, "Oh really? Do tell." I think they call that open minded.

Now, that doesn't make you dumb for not understanding that gender all over the world isn't what you think it is. That doesn't mean you aren't open minded either. In all reality it probably just means you didn't know that little fact, and that's fine. I just found it hilarious watching a handful of people struggle (I guess they were struggling) with the concepts of gender vs sex and how you really have to SEPARATE THE TWO.

BUT

I'm an antagonistic bastard so I passed around some sarcastic hand claps whenever I felt someone had either grasped a concept or failed to utterly. It didn't matter to me! I had lots of fun.

The best one was, while talking about the two spirits concept, which is something I'm admittedly not that familiar with, we talked about what WE, as, uh, Americans, would call "homosexual" marriage. The thing about the two spirits concept is that, there were in some tribes males born with female characteristics, and females born with male characteristics. I mentioned in class that this might tie in to what we would call intersex but I don't know if I explained myself adequately. What happened was, though, a few folks seemed to have trouble with grasping the fact that the two spirit males & females could get married to OTHER males and females respectively and it wasn't considered homosexual because the two spirit people displayed the opposite characteristics.

Got it? Good. Because that had shit to do with anything, it wasn't a "straight" marriage or a "gay" marriage, it was a socially accepted union, or a MARRIAGE. One guy seemed to have the most problems with accepting that there was something outside the heteronomitive and our regular teacher told him that he was equating sex with gender even though we had established that you need to separate the two. He eventually seemed to get it. I clapped.

What got my blood boiling towards the end of class--and I discussed this with another girl later because it was really funny--was the GA talking about possible solutions to the fact that women DO make less money than men for doing the same work even with the same education or better, for various reasons (and I will just sum it up with my favorite buzzword PATRIARCHYYYY). What can we do about the gender discrepancies in our country? Is this a problem?

One guy in the class answered with basically (I'm paraphrasing but you can trust me here): it's not really a problem, it's been this way for years and it's going to be hard to break old attitudes.

Class: *chirp*

I clapped. And lol'd. And BANK'd my first amendment rights to call someone's opinion foolish, but I didn't actually voice this with words because GA answered too fast.

Regular teacher gave a much better and not stupid answer, and thus class ended not too long afterwards. We're going to be on this subject for a few more weeks. Goodness I cannot wait until Thursday.



_{Note¹: Sugar doesn't actually make you hyper. Fun fact!
Note²: Momma says I'm smart. Cite!}

Watching Sita Sings the Blues, take 1

You may have heard of this going around el blogosphere, a short animated movie called Sita Sings the Blues. This is the movie here and the page about the movie here.

So I know ABOUT it and I have a general idea of what it's about, and I'll tell you. It is the story of Nina Paley, who, using the story of the Ramayana and jazz singer Anne Hanshaw, relates the story of her divorce.

Now, I started writing this post a while ago because I wanted to give the movie a fair shake. It's not even that long, bout an hour and thirty. I took off my special Gender & Race goggles and watched it like any ol' thing. I should have put them on.

But in a week I have not been able to get past 30 minutes into this movie. Uh when I do I'll let you know, but first let me explain why:

Animation

This has been irritating me to death. The posters I saw showed a pretty cute, simplistic, geometric style & it was colorful, I thought, "Mkay I can work with that". But it's not like that throughout the movie...and I'd be okay with that if it weren't for the fact that while we're looking at Nina's real life it's this weird sketchy style that reminds me of a child's drawings. Fine. Then it switches up again with the shadow puppets and their narration to a sort of cut out style. THEN the cutsey geo look. I was fine with this for most of my time watching but due to the structure the animation changed up so much that I just found myself getting irate.

But that wasn't as bothersome as the

Structure

Okay so I said I only watched 30 minutes of it so I can't say too much other than...damn this irritated me. It didn't flow. After about 10 minutes I ceased completely to feel the shadow puppet Greek Chorus. The way they explained the Ramayana--already in a dumbed down form anyway--just didn't work with what was happening. Holding up the story every now and then to have amusing banter and commentary quickly became unnecessary. And switching back and forth between the Ramayana story and Nina's story...I just thought it could have gone better. At some points if it weren't for the music I'd have been lost on what Nina was trying to get across exactly and I don't think that would have happened if the stories had just been able to intertwine without the excessive use of our little shadowy greek chorus.

Then there's the

Story

Ehh. Again I didn't watch the whole film so I can't go all up into this, but I felt a little weird seeing the Ramayana being related to this divorce. That's on a really basic level and I see where she's going with this, and I think it's a pretty interesting idea, it's just the execution that's making me want to cut someone's face up. With a razor.

So in all...I want to try to get through the rest of this over the weekend and hopefully my feelings will change, because I WANT to like it. Plus, apparently I'm grounded now so I'll need something to do *blink*

Yes, you heard me. Grounded. GROUNDED.

Different is Bad

I did this post talking about Cat Cora and made another, shorter jokey (I assume they know I'm joking) post on Facebook demanding my friends (that pay attention) explain, in baby words, to me, what a gay person looks like.

We've already seen why that's so hard because GAY FOLKS LOOK LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.

But a comment popped up that I just need to accept that everything different isn't bad. I was going to continue the joke about different, in fact, being very bad as history has shown us, but I'm sleepy so I let it die.

But let's just be clear in a semi-serious manner that, being different is bad. It's very bad. Being different gets folks killed. If you don't meet the default you're pretty much fucked all your life regardless of those who love you, your success in life, how you love yourself. The world doesn't want you to exist, the problem is you do so it's sort of obliged to just let you...but not without grief.

This piece of misandry brought to you by the fact that I think I hate white balsamic vinaigrette X(

Mantyhose and other masculine things

In my Intro to Women's studies class, one of the things we talked about was gender roles of course. Duh, it's a women's studies class.

We talked about things that, at least in America, are deemed masculine and things that are deemed feminine and how that shifts over time.

I thought of none of that when I was looking at this post from Sociological Images talking about that phenomenon of "mantyhose".

The article discusses the UK based site Project E-MANcipation.

From the website: “Project E-MANcipate is a project to accelerate the acceptance of male pantyhose as a regular clothing item.”

Hey, I’m all for men and women wearing pantyhose if they want to (as long as no one makes me wear any) but what sort of “emancipation” is being advocated?

Is this about emancipation men from the confines of masculinity so that they can wear an item associated with femininity?

You can read the whole post for y'selves, its pretty good. Personally I hate pantyhose and have no idea why anyone would willingly choose to wear such a garment. But...I've always seen pantyhose & tights as gender neutral anyway. Despite the fact that they seem to be overwhelmingly be worn by women, you can't forget about athletes and dancers that wear the hose.

Speaking of which, the article talks about how the Project seems intent on masculinizing (I made that up...I think) pantyhose, which is kind of annoying because it just seems like men can't wear a damn garment without making it MANLY MANLY. Pantyhose is gender neutral (and was actually rather masculine at some point anyway, which goes to show how different masculinity is now from back in ye olde day) and I think it should stay that way. Hell, clothes should be gender neutral in general, I think, but I can say that because my closet is technically about 50/50 female/"male" (in quotes because I use the term quite loosely). Bleh, it's silly the gender constructs we build, even sillier when we expect them to stretch across the world.

On the other hand, I have to think of the people that don't really mind or prefer, so much, feminine clothes versus masculine clothes which kind of complicates it, also because I'm that way myself sometimes. Sigh.

I've filled my quota thinky posts for the day!

More LGBT Cinema, I needs it

I do. Last night (or I THINK it was nighttime) while reading this movie review and this interesting post, I realized that it's been a while since I've delved into the world of gay cinema. Not movies that just so happen to have gay folks in it, but movies actually centering around LGBT (and sometimes Q), FUBU¹ movies.

The last movie that I can actually recall that would fall into that vein, I'm pretty sure it was either the Celluloid Closet (which you should all watch) or Edward II by Derk Jarman. That movie actually just frightened me, which is strange because I'm perfectly okay watching Caravaggio, which should actually scare me more. Why did it scare me? I...I don't want to go there right now *sniffle*

Anyway, I have seen plenty of movies that fall into "well there's gays IN it" category and TV that does the same. But I've been kind of miffed at LGBT cinema for reasons I can't quite describe. I thought maybe it's because there's a, uh, lack of gay movies that cater to my unique experience. That's true but by damn there's a LOT of movies that don't cater to anything remotely resembling my experience, and clearly the only way for me to remedy that is make my own damn movie.

But that's not really it. I actually hate things that relate to myself, like movies and books. They just annoy me for that simple fact. So why am I miffed. It's strange. Is it because I'm not watching the right movies? Has my love for trashy movies spoiled/numbed me? It seems that at least for a while the movies I was watching catered so heavily to a single demographic (paging all white gay men and hetero women) that I just got tired. They weren't catering to my experiences but they weren't to anyone else's either. Bleh!

So I guess in the end it is just lack of diversity, or my inability to find any. With subject matter, actors, techniques, just boo. Boo on all of it!

Fortunately for my sanity, I heard about this movie called Little Ashes, which is the tragic story of the brief affair between surrealist and all around lovable kook Salvador Dali and his colleague Federico Garcia Lorca. Fascinating! That's a story you never hear, like, ever, unless you're addicted to Wikipedia like I am and/or study this shit. Will that cure my apathy for LGBT cinema, probably not in one fell swoop, but shit, I'm buying 10 DVDs to show me support.



_{Note¹: For us by us. Yes that's what the clothing line meant.}

Nigerian gay activists speak against gay marriage ban

Oh dear, just when you were beginning to lose faith in America, here come the rest of the world.

On that note, why does BBC have to make everything a damn noun?

Nigerian gay activists speak out

Nigerian gay rights activists have told the country's lawmakers that a new bill to outlaw same sex marriage would lead to widespread human rights abuses.

The new law would mean prison sentences for gay people who live together, and anyone who "aids and abets" them.

The plea by activists was made to a public committee of the National Assembly which is discussing the bill.

It is already illegal to have gay sex in Nigeria but the new law would extend police powers to arrest suspects.

"This bill is not necessary, we see no reason why people should be criminalised," Rashidi Williams, 23, of the Queer Alliance of Nigeria told the committee.

"I did not choose to be gay. It is trial enough to live in this country, we should not create more laws to make us suffer," he said.

Uhhh tell it. It is, in fact, hard out there for a homo. Even worse in Africa where some countries still hold homosexuality an offense punishable by DEATH.

I'm really mad at the picture of the children wearing the "Same sex marriage is unnatural and unafrican" t-shirts. Why do we indoctrinate the children this way? Well, why do we treat human beings this way.

Can you imagine outlawing gay sex? Well, it'd be hard if some states didn't choose to do that in the land of the free & the home of the brave *side eye* the connections to the church in this article also make me increasingly ill. I really am looking forward to the fall of religion from a roaring cry to a barely heard whisper.

What DOES a lesbian look like?

AKA Cat Cora is a lesbian. She's pregnant. She's pregnant AND a lesbian. And so is her partner.

Special note: My E key is being a petty bastard again, forgive any typos

When mama informed me of this devastating news last night/this morning, I was....

...ehhh?

I didn't know Cat was a sister in sappho. Oh well, there you go.

Mother, however, was flabbergasted. Cat Cora, she said, the Iron Chefess (I mad that right up) doesn't look like a lesbian. She just looks...serious.

After extensive rolling of eyes I asked mother, "What DOES a gay person look like?"

She answered quickly with an "I don't know", Cat just doesn't look like one.

And that's too bad BECAUSE SHE IS, SO SUCK IT. YOUR CHILDREN ARE IN DANGER.

Those pesky chameleon gays, infiltrating every walk of life and shit. Soon we won't know who's gay, who's bi, who's really a man or a woman! OH NOES.

Seriously though, why do people still hold these outdated ideals of what a gay person looks like. Sure, some of us do willingly follow the flamboyant limp wrist or ultra butch stereotype just to name a few, and that's fine, but when is it going to sink in that gays ALSO look like Mrs Jones down the street or the dude at Jiffy Lube fixing your car? WHEN, I ask, is it going to get through that gays, lesbians, transpeople, and anyone falling under the queer spectrum, as a whole, just look like regular normal folk?

We are people. We're all unique, we're all individuals (like lil snowflakes!), but we are PEOPLE. That's it. You can work on your gaydars and what not all you want but you need to own up to the fact that gays are human beings and look just like you, mama, daddy, auntie an'nem. That's pretty much it.

So yeah, I guess Cat Cora DOES look like a lesbian. Oh and about her being pregnant, I thought that made news last year anyway. I must be traveling through time and getting timelines mixed up and shit, again. Oops!

Random musings on women's studies

You know what, in retrospect, my Intro to Women's Studies pissed me right off.

Backtrack. You see, I was aiming to minor in women's studies (now I'm an undecided/film studies minor). I do still want to take further courses if I'm able, though. This is also the first year, I believe, that a women's studies major has been offered.

The teachers participating in the course are basically doing it because they wanna. They already come from other departments like English and Sociology and are just teaching the course because, damnit, they wanted to. And that's great.

Going a little forward, Chally from Zero At The Bone tweeted a quizlet over Twitter and I took it, and turns out I'm Judith Butler. I was ecstatic, then paused, and an ellipsis appeared over my head.

So naturally I typed in Judith Butler in my handy dandy address bar and a Wiki article appeared. And I went through it and said, "Oh, I know her". What I meant was, I knew her theories, but not specifically her by name. Eh, that happens a lot. I have an unfortunate domino memory though and thought back to some musings I had over Christmas break about me first semester.



Now, I loved my Women's Studies course. It was great. It was one day a week for 2 hours in the evening so that meant I didn't eat dinner Mondays but it was still great. We had a great teacher and the class discussions were usually pretty good. I enjoyed taking it. So I guess "pissed" is a strong word, more like "miffed a lot". That's a phrase.

BUT

Miffed a lot it is. I was miffed. For one thing, yeah we had discussions but it never felt like we talked about anything...specific. Our book was full of influential articles and we read just about all of them, and we talked about plenty of intangible theory *sigh* but rarely ever the women themselves. It was kind of weird, now that I think about it (or thought about it a few months ago). Also, besides the odd Audre Lorde piece and mentioning bell hooks & Gloria Anzaldua literally at the very end of the class race was conspicuously absent. Uh, I was the second black student in the class and I think in total there were about 5 people of color (we had a small class note) so I never figured out if I was the only one that noticed that.

Back to talking about specific women, our final exam was to do--we chose a woman to write a short report on and presented it to the class. I did Simone Beauvoir and Gloria Anzaldua. That was as specific as we got even though, as I said, we talked about plenty of articles and women's issues and that was fine.

So I guess "miffed a lot" doesn't work either, maybe "unsatisfied" is best. It was an intro class so it's unfair for me to expect to be given a full blown course on err'thang but it just feels like even in our short amount of time we could have gone so much more in depth, not just...theory. Oh well, I guess that's what more specific courses are for.

The Day I Was Unable to Do Oral

Or, There Goes My Last Chance at Straightness, Again.

Warning: TMI Alert & Rambling Awareness set for RED. Take the women, hide the children, run in circles, scream if you must.

So, I only bother putting that half-hearted "disclaimer" up just because this might get graphic. Shit, I've talked at length about sex, masturbation, made bestiality jokes about rabbits and cold twitchy noses (yeah try to sleep with that imagery). This might also being extremely hilarious and/or discomforting (read: awkwaaaaard) to folks that know me in real life so I'm giving you a fair chance.



Okay? Everyone gone? Alright let's talk dir-tay.

I do recall talking a bit about my first REAL relationship with a boy. I'm so not looking for those entries because that's not a particularly painful point at my life but I really do have to wonder just what I was doing. He was the first guy to show interest in me that I've ever shown a remote interest back. It's teenage dating y'all. How serious was I? You'll see in a minute.

I knew OF this guy as he'd gone to my middle school and he knew of me. It was the first day of a new school year and for some reason I talked to him in the stairwell. He was funny and found me funny (everyone does). That particular year was grievously stupid for me in terms of school years so it was nice to have someone who made me laugh, to ease the tension of dealing with punk ass teachers, whack ass principles, and jivin' motherfuckin' guidance counselors (who neither guided nor counseled).

So long story short, after a few initial mis-starts we started "dating". I put that in quotes because at a certain stage we were still just hanging out, more or less, now with the added benefit of making out and groping. Until he learned that I actually just lived down the street from him. Ohhh deeeear~

Understand that no matter how comfortable I am right now, I'm probably going to be figuring out where I lie on the sexual identity plane all my life. I can't. I've settled into being bisexual because it at least allows me to admit I like teh wimmens while the general assumption is that I like guys as well. And that's fine with me even if it's not particularly true. I just don't feel like I'm sexually attracted to guys. When I mentioned the fact that I had caught me a mans, my brother remarked that at least it wasn't a girl (and fuck him by the way). I felt, for a rushed few months, that this was a great chance for me to prove to my family that indeed I was not a freak of nature and perfectly capable of being "normal". Which, as it turned out, is WROOOONG.

This particular guy was a great ego boost since he made me feel wanted even if I felt dubious about his intentions the whole time, and turns out I was right anyway--that's actually a story for another day, and you will laugh hard at it. But the fact is, sure he just wanted to zoom zoom in the whatever--sex. It was a little unnerving but I have to admit I was kind of okay with it. Until I was expected to...

PERFORM.

It came up that maybe we should do this sex thing. No real pressure, I knew how to resist him and put him the fuck out of my house if need be. I'd like to consider myself well informed enough with sex, and at least he had the decency to have a condom on hand. And sure I was curious. But not on the first date homeboy.

So the first date went by and he had to evacuate my premises before I laid hurting on his ass. Second one too. About our 2.5 date (yes it was a half) the issue came up again and I near successfully pulled off a hand job. I felt great. I'd gotten a guy hard and almost made him orgasm! And penes (yeah I know the plural for penis, I'm a geek) feel funny! I say near successful because, no joke, my arm was hurting too much to fully bring him off. I still felt great though staring at his near-orgasm face. I rocked for about 5 minutes.

Later on in the course of our semi-date, I finally decided that maybe I wasn't quite ready for vaginal penetration. He was disappointed sure but naturally there are other ways to get off--like a boob job. Sadly, I have itty B-cups and I'm short so that didn't work out so well. Finally oral came up.

Now...get this. I can receive oral all day long and had nooo problem with that and I don't think I ever will. But me being expected to PERFORM made me realize that in order to make this equal--and I'm all for equality--I'd have to put a penis in my mouth.

Needless to say I was a bit...daunted. Uh, he was pretty large (thus my hand hurting). But after some debate I thought I'd give it the college try anyway and put my lips on it and...

...promptly gagged. What the fuck was that horrible salty taste?! AUUUGH!

I looked and realized my tongue had landed right on the so-called pre-cum aka Cowper's fluid aka God's Way of Telling Me To Repent. I wasn't expecting it to taste like 3 years of salt off someone's brow though. Ugh ugh ugh! I thought if I held my breath for a moment it'd take away the taste but auuuugh it didn't work. I didn't mind the taste of flesh so much as I did THAT. Auuugh! How do other girls (you know, THOSE girls I guess) and gay guys do it, I wondered in awe!

Apparently I did semi-good and much like the hand job couldn't quite bring him off (did I mention my mouth hurt?). He didn't much seem to mind providing oral for me though so it was all good. At least I tried!

It wasn't just the horrible "pearly fluids" that I hated though. It was...everything. The weight, the texture...the feeling of it sliding in and out and feeling like, of all things, a failure despite his insistence that I wasn't. We tried it a bunch of different ways--lying down, standing up, in the shower (hoping the water would take away that aauuuugh taste) and nothing seemed to work. It felt like my Baptist training was coming back and I was having a biblical freak out, even though I didn't mind his penis everywhere ELSE on me that much. I probably wouldn't have even minded it directly in my eye compared to sucking on it.

I was still disturbed, a little. A lot of times if I can envision myself doing something, I can do it fine--this works a lot with drawing and essay writing especially, but, a penis is neither a micron pen nor a pencil so no matter how much I saw myself enjoying giving him a blow job, in reality I just could not. I felt guilty! He could pleasure me just fine but I couldn't seem to return it and that was selfish of me wasn't it? What on earth was wrong with me?

So as it turns out, of course I'm not the only woman with this issue or even the only person. Some of us just can't tongue-lash our lovers like that. It might have even just been that particular penis, but in the end it came about that I just don't like to give oral. That relationship disintegrated anyway so maybe it's for the best that I couldn't so readily hand myself over to him completely. Perhaps one day I'll find that super special penis or even that awesome fountain of youth vagina, but for now it just makes a funny story.

The Great AOL Brawl of Yesteryear

[Edit: Oh the typos. I shouldn't type while hungry.]


So, if anyone here still uses AOL (and I used to) please forgive me because I'm about to talk straight shit about these folks. For it occurred to me when I was younger and we still used the, uh, service, you know who else used it? A bunch of backwoods backward thinking head-up-ass anti-choice anti-gay racist assholes. Then, you know, just some other people.

I knew this through those little polls. You know, the "Should abortion be outlawed?" and then yes or no radio buttons, I'd click no, then pull up the results and see the bar overwhelmingly pulled for YES and, when they used to allow comments (I don't think they do anymore) it would be mass hysteria about how we're all sinners and going to hell and blah blah bliggity blah.

And I was about 12 or 13, I forget. It happened a lot on so called hot button issues, and after a few times I'd gathered up enough data to make the conclusion that my family was pretty much the only sane one using AOL.

11-14 were my horrible years: I was just turning atheist, realizing that it's okay if I don't like boys but it's NOT okay if I DO like girls, first period, bullied constantly, and going through my emolicious I Hate Everything phase. Everything just sucked sucked sucked and there are almost zero redeeming moments from those lost years.

Well, maybe one. The one day I realized that maybe I don't have to take shit from the world, even if it's just the internet. I got into an AOL brawl. I say brawl because it was a messy, drawn-out fight and I so wish I still had evidence of it, wish that I REMEMBERED more of it because if I recall, it was totally awesome. And a gay rights fight.

This is what I remember. I was just browsing around on the internet doing my thing, whatever it was I did back then, when I found myself doing one of those little polls. I think the question was along the lines of "is homosexuality a choice", I filled out "no" because I can read scientific evidence and it doesn't bother me, and of course the results were overwhelmingly "YES". Like ridiculously. Having nothing to do with my young life, I pulled up the comments/message board thingie and saw all these inflammatory topics declaring that yes homosexuality is a sin and they should be punished, it's wrong, we're wrong, how can you support that, eat babies, shit like that.



As I went through this hysteria...well, frankly I dunno what happened. I guess the internet made me brave for a while and I said, "I don't have to take this!" Well, not that cool since my awesomeness hadn't quite developed then. But next thing I knew I was responding to a comment with something antagonistic about Christians (I was still in the Superior Atheist stage of my atheism) being hypocrites and how homosexuality was fine.

And then, you know, I got virtually jumped by what I recall being more or less a bunch of truck drivers laughing at me and calling me naive. But surprisingly I held myself and, a little like the Lone Swordsman, I just batted at and battled the stupid. Which may subconsciously be part of the reason I still can't do internet debate without eventually blowing up at someone because the arguing was pretty intense. At this point I already knew I was at the very least bisexual--it was kinda obvious--and I was told by people that didn't even know me that naturally, my mother LOVED me but HATED my "sin". To me the concept of sin largely didn't exist anymore and I said this, and when it came out that I was agnostic, even more hell broke loose. Joy.

I had folks emailing me spam letters & bible versus, if I recall correctly--and just why--and I just laughed, figuring it'd sting to have their religion insulted so mightily by a child (they didn't necessarily know I was a child though, I don't guess). Don't think I didn't get any support though, it was actually more or less my first interaction with some form of LGBT community. I remember one out lesbian emailing me to thank me for my support and I was mighty touched.

But, because sane people don't use AOL I guess, the support was a little weaksauce and we were ridiculously overwhelmed, so we eventually had to withdraw. And after a couple of days the discussion just reached its inevitable conclusion and finally died (yeah this wasn't just a one day thing, I definitely remember that). I remember telling mom about it, at least in part, and she just shook her head. Eh, so what, I felt mighty happy about myself, at least for mocking the stupid.

And that's about it. I don't know why I'd forget about such a clearly awesome event, but I've pretty much buried nearly all memories from those years *shudder* huh, who knows what awesome things I've done that I'm not aware of now...

The Great Masturbate Debate Continues

Say it in your Obama-voice. Say it! Omgomg.

So I told you about me & mom's little masturbation incident. Yeah it went over very well right? Riiight.

So I held off a couple of days calling her, mostly because I just couldn't get around to it, but also because I was going to let her stew in her own conservative guilt thoughts. I stewed in my own which mostly consisted of napping.

I finally called her because I got lonely & bored at meal time, and we ended up briefly talking the incident over. I finally explained to her that I was fucking kidding for frick's sake (I didn't say fucking) but also made it clear that what I do with my body AND MY MONEY is my business. Thus even in the event that I actually wanted to pay $60 dollars for a sex toy, I just hope--REQUIRE that she respects my decision. I mean, dad almost after 10 years got over it, why won't she?!

She agreed, begrudgingly, and normally that'd be the end of it--but, again, I can't let shit go. She said something that has bothered the hell out of me since Monday abouts. Apparently she told the incident to her co-workers--who I guess she likes this week, for now--and one of them remarked to her something along the lines that she raised me a lady and I wouldn't do anything like that to her.

Now...that's about half true. Yes mom did more or less raise me a lady, even though I thwarted her every attempt. And yes, I wouldn't ask my mother to buy me a sex toy (I did offer to buy her one though, but I'm rich). In fact, if you look at it like that it's completely true.

BUT

I get the feeling the gentleman was trying to imply that I wouldn't masturbate because I'm a lady. And even if that's not what he meant, let's not kid ourselves and say some people don't hold that outdated thinking. I'm pretty sure mama holds that sort of thinking true which I think is silly. It's all goddamned silly and that thinking sort of went out completely about 40, 50 years ago. Damnit why are we still so backwards. Ladies don't touch themselves and get to know their bodies, we just lay on the bed and hope the man trips so our purity can't be taken for another day or so. I just don't get it.

Also, that statement is true but it's not a...linear thing. It doesn't connect. Yes I guess I am a lady and no I wouldn't ask mommy to buy me a rabbit, but neither one is BECAUSE of the other. I wouldn't ask mommy to buy me a sex toy because frankly it'd be rather odd, she can't afford it and I can (barely), and it'd just be embarrassing to both of us in the end. As much as I want to have this conversation with her, I'm really not about to send her to the Hustler store to find me a purple bullet to match my tichel *blink*

Furthermore, also lady or not, fuck that, masturbation is good. For men & women. Stop being silly with your outdated thinking. Yes my vision is bad but I'm still blaming the television and genes (both my parents wear glasses & me and dad have the same prescription, somehow). Maybe my palms are a little itchy sometimes. But that doesn't mean touching your naughty bits is a bad thing, it's actually rather good for you.

And with that I think we've finally reached the bottom of this issue. And the moral of this story is, I like blasting family business in public a lot.

Run, don't walk, to the Tell It WOC Speak blog carnvial

Shit, I knew there was something I forgot to shamelessly advertise today.

If, at some point, you've ever thought for a moment that you love me, or at the very least don't hate me a lot, I implore you to drop by and stay a while at Tell It WOC Speak. Created by Renee of Womanist Musings it's a blog carnival featuring writing by women of color and allies.

To better explain, the opening paragraph why not:

Welcome everyone to what I hope will be the first of many blog carnivals dedicated to the voices of women of colour and our allies. In every sphere of life women of colour are marginalized and exploited. Often, when we attempt to engage to change our circumstances we are silenced.

This carnival is our attempt to give voice to our shared issues. We have a strong history of activism and organizing and it is in this vein that we have chosen this space to highlight the various ways we have attempted to carve out a niche in the online world. We shall not be silenced, and our dreams shall be realized. We are women of quality and worth.

I'm so ridiculously happy that this came about and all the topics covered & authors covering them are looking excellent. So let us run, not walk and go get ourselves some of that elusive awareness.

Masturbation: it's not a big deal...

...or is it?

So, my dear mama reminded me of why we can't talk about shit with each other. Earlier in the year I told you we tried to have the dreaded sex talk and it went...alright. For a minute she seemed okay talking to me about sex. For a MINUTE. Then I went back to school and she must have been so relieved that we didn't have to press the issue anymore. I guess.

So tonight I tried to talk about masturbation. And she FREAAAKED OOOOUT.

Now, I don't take much pleasure in making my mother cry over the phone. I wasn't even EXPECTING that. She can handle my jokes about masturbation, hell, she has quite a few toys of her own and it's sort of an open secret. She was even alright breaking her comfort zone to talk to me about sex if only briefly. But for some reason the subject of me touching my "naughty places" blew her miiind, maaaaan.

Let me explain the scenario and tell you why I don't really feel bad about it.

So we're talking on the phone, calling Danz a punk bitch and going generally well. Then she mentions going to Nashville's only Hustler Hollywood store outlet and how slammed the parking lot was with couples for Valentine's Day. It's around here that I make the joke of wanting a rabbit. She thinks I mean the animal, then Labbits, then finally she realizes I mean THOSE RABBITS. Ohhh nooo.

So she yells at me about it. I'm...taken aback. I didn't say anything about my own habits, just would she buy me a rabbit. Make note that I actually DO NOT want a rabbit vibe, I just used it as a generic term for a vibrator. I was completely joking about her buying me one but I didn't expect her to yell. Because I can't let shit go, I asked well what if I bought me own.

Well...yeah, that's about the time that I apparently upset her so much (because I "don't need anything like that") that she starts crying. Then sobbing. At this point I'm just blinking over the phone, flabbergasted. I had no idea why she was crying about it. Again, nothing about her or my own masturbation habits, just talking about apparatus. For some reason this is...distressing? I wasn't feeling it...

...But don't forget, I'm inexplicably pissed at the world this week, so I ask why it's okay for her to masturbate but not me. She doesn't give an answer. I press it gently as I can then she insists that I don't need anything like that.

Fine. No, it's true, I don't need a rabbit, or any "device" to masturbate with but my own hands and maybe the shower when I'm feeling fearless *shudder* _{oh god} But I still don't get it. I looked back over that "dreaded talk" and remembered that she was the one telling me to "save myself" for marriage, despite the fact that she didn't. She had me AND my brother out of wedlock so I suppose I'm supposed to get a "do as I say not as I do" vibe but I DON'T GO FOR THAT SHIT, and I've expressed this. Why is it so hard? I really don't get it. Masturbation's not a big deal to me. I don't think it should be to ANYONE. It used to be when I felt so guilty about it, to the point where I couldn't even enjoy an orgasm because I would freak out about not being "normal" (this is long after I went agnostic/atheist too) but seriously, who the hell am I hurting when I touch myself? It's natural and it makes you feel good.

I still don't get why she freaked out. Is it that her daughter might finally be interested in sex? (shock and horror) Is it the phallic nature of the rabbit vibe? (which is actually why I don't want one but I didn't tell her that *cough my fault*) What? I can't ask her any of this because our views on sex are so fundamentally different, and I wish they weren't. I want her to talk to me and it makes me sad that her bravery only comes in spurts. It's also silly.

I wouldn't call myself all that liberal on sex, but it seems that my mom holds such a strange, twisted "traditional" view on it that I'm honestly kind of confused on what I'm supposed to be doing. How can one acknowledge having multiple partners (not really poly) but still spin me some outdated shite on masturbation & sex? Seriously. Again I can't discuss any of this with her because, like this phone call, she will freak the hell out.

And this is why I really don't get in to it and just keep my views to myself. If she wants to do the "do as I say not as I do" thing, whatever. I try to be as honest and open as I can with my mom because she's like my best friend and she doesn't even have to hear about me having sex or masturbating--even I wouldn't go that far, to describe my habits to her. I just wish we could be more open about the possibilities that are so plainly there, ALL THE TIME, just not once every blue damn moon. Shit, living is damn difficult these days.

CVS says no condoms for you

While I was trying to un-depress myself I came across this article on the Curvature blog.

CVS Limits Condom Access for Some

Another CVS practice that disproportionally affects communities of color is the chain’s lockup of condoms. Condoms are one of the best defenses against unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases such as HIV/AIDS, but CVS makes it difficult for people of color to obtain them. At hundreds of stores across the country in areas where people of color predominate, CVS displays condoms in locked cabinets that require customers to summon CVS staff to unlock them and then monitors customers while making their selections. CVS is less likely to lock up condoms in areas with fewer residents of color, and the chain’s two main competitors do not lock up condoms.

Now, a little background for me, you guys know I come from Nashville. Nashville on a whole, I think, doesn't really have that many CVS stores. We have Walgreen's stores galore though. For the longest time I had no idea what the hell a CVS was until we passed one in a, let's say more upper-middle class area when I was little, and to this day I've only been in a CVS a handful of times. Walgreen's is my shit by the way.

So not particularly caring about CVS, in my time around the blogosphere I've been learning that, apparently, CVS has a problem with us colored folk, or at the least poor communities. I grew up in a poor, working class community, or better yet "The Hood", so apparently this explains why I'd never seen a CVS store until I was like...damn near 15. That and the Walgreen's stores kind of make it obsolete.

Again I say, not giving a fuck bout some CVS, I had no idea it was like that. But while reading Cara's analysis on this policy of locking up condoms, it got me thinking--it set off a couple of memories of home, and y'all know I'm suddenly homesick, so bear with me, I will have a point.

Like I said, we have a Walgreen's mafia. The closest Walgreen's to my house locked up their condoms--but they also locked up cough syrup & cold medicine and allergy medicine due to the meth epidemic. I remember once commenting to my mom about how shameful it was that we had to lock up condoms because someone would steal them. This particular Walgreen's literally got robbed every weekend so it was a surprise that they just didn't lock everything in the joint behind glass. But what was also odd was--or at least now after I read this information--was that this was a black community, but it was a fairly middle class area. The gas station never got robbed and I thought that was weird, but that's actually neither here nor there.

So, that Walgreen's locked up condoms & birth control. I said I could understand the cold medicine shit, sad as it was, but the condoms? Again though, keep in mind that Walgreen's got robbed an awful lot (it still does, poor guys).

A few of the Walgreen's in our area locked up condoms & birth control for what I always assumed to be security purposes, even in the more ritzy areas. The areas you would expect the Walgreen's employees to rob, not the other way around. I found it really sad that we had to lock up the Trojans from what we assumed to be randy teens that were too embarrassed/cheap/young to buy some damn Durex.

But the CVS. The nearest CVS to us was in a very upscale neighborhood, and while they did lock up the allergy medicine, the cold medicine and, hold on, condoms were on full view for folks to buy. I remember this because I was mostly bemused and sick. And now that I'm in college, you go in the convenience store in the Culp and the condoms are next to the fucking cough drops. It is university and at least they're promoting safe sex which is great. But as I've bemoaned constantly, I'm also in the whitest of the whitey white areas of the state, good ol' Appalachia.

So what am I getting at with this series of loosely connected stories? I already said I hadn't been in many CVS stores, so I can't comment on their policies really. Is there really some vast conspiracy against poor and/or black communities having to do with condoms? I think it's kind of interesting, and on that Curvature post in the comments there was a semi-discussion on whether this was classist or racist, with the consensus seeming to be that it's both. I agree with this even with my limited experience and I think it's a really interesting topic to go into.

Personally, my feelings on this supposed epidemic of condom theft is, at least in my neighborhood it isn't working. We still had really young girls getting pregnant and catching STDs at a scary rate. I say young folks because for some reason condom thefts are usually blamed on the young, probably with good reason. There seemed to be an awful lot of "condom breakage" too, suggesting to me that if indeed kids are out robbing stores of condoms, they still don't know how to use them (or didn't bother to use them, which ever). It all just goes back to crappy abstinence only sex-ed, really. Make your own damn problems, look at the consequences. Again I say, people wonder why shit happens.