February 18, 2009

The Great Masturbate Debate Continues

Say it in your Obama-voice. Say it! Omgomg.

So I told you about me & mom's little masturbation incident. Yeah it went over very well right? Riiight.

So I held off a couple of days calling her, mostly because I just couldn't get around to it, but also because I was going to let her stew in her own conservative guilt thoughts. I stewed in my own which mostly consisted of napping.

I finally called her because I got lonely & bored at meal time, and we ended up briefly talking the incident over. I finally explained to her that I was fucking kidding for frick's sake (I didn't say fucking) but also made it clear that what I do with my body AND MY MONEY is my business. Thus even in the event that I actually wanted to pay $60 dollars for a sex toy, I just hope--REQUIRE that she respects my decision. I mean, dad almost after 10 years got over it, why won't she?!

She agreed, begrudgingly, and normally that'd be the end of it--but, again, I can't let shit go. She said something that has bothered the hell out of me since Monday abouts. Apparently she told the incident to her co-workers--who I guess she likes this week, for now--and one of them remarked to her something along the lines that she raised me a lady and I wouldn't do anything like that to her.

Now...that's about half true. Yes mom did more or less raise me a lady, even though I thwarted her every attempt. And yes, I wouldn't ask my mother to buy me a sex toy (I did offer to buy her one though, but I'm rich). In fact, if you look at it like that it's completely true.


I get the feeling the gentleman was trying to imply that I wouldn't masturbate because I'm a lady. And even if that's not what he meant, let's not kid ourselves and say some people don't hold that outdated thinking. I'm pretty sure mama holds that sort of thinking true which I think is silly. It's all goddamned silly and that thinking sort of went out completely about 40, 50 years ago. Damnit why are we still so backwards. Ladies don't touch themselves and get to know their bodies, we just lay on the bed and hope the man trips so our purity can't be taken for another day or so. I just don't get it.

Also, that statement is true but it's not a...linear thing. It doesn't connect. Yes I guess I am a lady and no I wouldn't ask mommy to buy me a rabbit, but neither one is BECAUSE of the other. I wouldn't ask mommy to buy me a sex toy because frankly it'd be rather odd, she can't afford it and I can (barely), and it'd just be embarrassing to both of us in the end. As much as I want to have this conversation with her, I'm really not about to send her to the Hustler store to find me a purple bullet to match my tichel *blink*

Furthermore, also lady or not, fuck that, masturbation is good. For men & women. Stop being silly with your outdated thinking. Yes my vision is bad but I'm still blaming the television and genes (both my parents wear glasses & me and dad have the same prescription, somehow). Maybe my palms are a little itchy sometimes. But that doesn't mean touching your naughty bits is a bad thing, it's actually rather good for you.

And with that I think we've finally reached the bottom of this issue. And the moral of this story is, I like blasting family business in public a lot.


  1. I can't believe nobody wanted to comment on your well written dribble about mothers and masturbation! You would think sharing something so amazingly personal would just shake away any inhibitions but people are people and I'm convinced that bloggers blog but they don't comment.
    So I'm a female and I love to masturbate. Sometimes I like to masturbate even when it's supposed to be time with my crossdresser-he obliges me by just holding me while I lay with legs completely straight and jag a little and he seems to get off on the whole sorted "I am a high-functioning autistic and prefer my own hand to your cock" method of sex. Well, that's just sometimes but I do enjoy it and have enjoyed it since the age of 14. The hunger and ache for masturbation isn't what it was between 14 and 21 but it still rocks me quite often. Come over for a slumber party. We can do it together....just seperately.

  2. You would think sharing something so amazingly personal would just shake away any inhibitions but people are people and I'm convinced that bloggers blog but they don't comment.

    Haha, I think that too sometimes...I can understand because I do like to lurk a lot myself though & I'm just naturally shy (believe it or not). Part of it probably comes from the fact that I don't really put myself "out there" a lot either.

    I do appreciate yours though! Bwaah, slumber party. That actually used to be a fantasy of mine when I was younger, to have a slumber party where we all "explored". Hell, it's actually still a fantasy.

    I think I should have mentioned the only reason I brought up the rabbit to her at all is because my bank statement still goes to the house while I'm away at school, and I know she doesn't rifle through my bidness mail I still didn't want to get any calls at 3 in the morning like "WTF IS THIS?!" because as I've shown, it's like that. After this little conversation though I decided I've got little else to lose except my face, and I'm just going to go on and buy my very first very own toy. Sure I don't really need one but I guess I more or less want my mother to hold up her end of our "bargain" and to BELIEVE me.

    /essay comment


Please share some knowledge. Or amuse me at least :O