Yeeeah, my wireless is alive you guys! *hugs library* I told my mother, I'm not going to DIE without 'net access on my laptop but secretly? YES I WAS.
*looks around* Trying to type quietly...
Anyhow, you read my title right. This is going to be one of those things where I ask a bunch of questions and offer myself no answers. I've touched on this sparingly but I'm ready to go in depth about it. Soooo....
Atheism. I make no bones about being atheist. When I'm asked anyway...and I rarely get asked because I live in the Bible Belt where everyone is some sort of religious *shrug* eeevery oooone. But I've never pretended to be religious, even for free food. That's just wrong. If prodded or if it ever comes up, I proudly admit I's a godless heathen. I have no problem. I've only ever had a problem being atheist when I first made the transition from agnosticism, and from then on it's been smooth sailing. I'm not going to Hell for anything because there isn't one so please, stop throwing bibles at me.
HOWEVER.
I'm also queer ~_~ gay if you will. I say gay instead of lesbian...I...don't actually know why, but I prefer just "queer" as a kind of umbrella term. I hang around LGBTIA (did I get all the letters?) blogs, read coming out stories and...personally I don't have ONE to share.
Let me explain: I've come out about...3 times now I think. And two times it was just passed of as a phase *punches at the ceiling* Even though I know pretty clearly how I feel and who I am. And then the other time I was met with disgust *punch punch* So I just stopped "officially" coming out to anyone. I don't feel like I'm closeted mind you, I'm actually pretty open. Open in the sense that, like the atheism, I'm outwardly fond of the same sex (and...some of the opposite, keeps 'em on their toes). I've just never actually said "Hey guys, I'm kinda gay!" I'm not ashamed of it anymore, I'm just tired of being judged and yelled at and other such stupid shit ~_~ hmmm. I've even gotten mildly defensive about it. Frankly, I don't think it's anyone else's goddamn business but mine...uh, I digress.
Here's the main thing: Again, I live in the Bible Belt, and I'm an atheist. SHIT. I should be running from mobs daily right?
WRONG. WROOONG.
This has always been strange to me, that my adamant atheism (and yes, I am not only atheist but RATHER atheist) is actually MORE acceptable than my gayness. WHY. How the HELL does that work? At the very least I'd expect them to be on the same level of RAAAGE.
I ran one option last night: that I can be saved. I can be "saved" from atheism if I have an especially enterprising friend, I suppose (haha...no, please don't try this. It just makes me irate). But...well, couldn't I technically be saved from homosexuality too? Can't I be "reversed"?
Then another thought. Maybe, just maybe I give religious folk too little credit (no, I don't think they're all stupid btw). Perhaps it's because atheism is a philosophy (if you call it a religion you haven't been listening) and, if you want to accept it that way because I know a few people still don't, homosexuality is "genetic". This would mean that I couldn't actually be "saved" from my ungodly lifestyle because you can change a philosophy but NOT who you are on the inside. So if my homosexuality is indeed genetic (well, I do have a really flamboyant cousin) and my atheism is just a product of my sitting on the porch with a cape going "HMMMMMM." a lot, then that would mean I'm just flat out...damned? Something like that.
Both of those make sense in their own little way. But it still perplexes me that my atheism is usually more readily accepted than being gay. I suppose homosexuality still makes people quite uncomfortable, but I remember when atheism did too...but now it seems to be okay? So the prospect of me "choosing to be eternally damned"--I don't know who I'm quoting--versus the prospect of me being...eternally damned, somehow one of those is better than the other? Or am I applying too much of that silly logic? Personally I kinda go with my second hypothesis although I'm not about go conduct a survey or anything to prove it true or false.
Oh, and as for why this drives me crazy, it's because my atheism and my homosexuality are both integral parts of me, and it's just...damned WEIRD to have one side be acceptable but the other is spat on and cursed. Especially since the two aren't related (as in, I'm not...gay because I'm atheist or atheist because I'm gay, only I would put those together though). So yeah, I admit, it freaks me out a little bit.
And that was my thought provoking entry. I could do this shit all day.
September 3, 2008
Homosexuality vs Atheism
Filed under
gender/sexuality,
general gab,
reflection,
religion atheism and you,
woe is I
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Honestly? Most of the attacks on atheism are ideologically or tribally motivated. The same goes with the attacks on homosexuality... EXCEPT that there is projection there and the fear of anal sex. No, it is completely illogical- I don't know why it happens.
ReplyDeleteI believe the hate towards lesbians is because they aren't fitting into their roles. They are being differant and for those who value conformity, being differant deserves only to be crushed. This was the reason totalitarian or would be totalitarian groups cracked down on gays.
Of course, the US only has virulent anti-gay attitudes. Don't go to Africa or the Carribbian- they take homophobia to "atrocity" levels.
Oh yeah, I know about the situation in the Caribbean & Africa. It's really extreme...I know in some areas of Africa homosexuality is an offense punishable by death. It's fucking...AMAZING (in a bad way of course).
ReplyDeleteAnd I agree with what you said about lesbians not fitting into roles. That actually really makes sense but it's no less...tragic. And what you said about homosexuality & projection makes sense too, I didn't think about that. I don't think anyone's hating on my atheism because they're secretly atheist :P but you never know...
Thanks for your response by the way!
I think one reason why the religious right is so much more belligerent toward gays than atheists is because they have this creepy child molester perception of gays. There's much more fear. Such are the ways of the insane.
ReplyDeleteI grew up in the Bible Belt, too, and can appreciate what you're experiencing. And when I came out as transgender, my folks told me I was going through a phase. I wasn't.
Just continue to be true to you and find your own answers. And don't get hung up on labels like gay or lesbian or bi. Just be safe, treat yourself with respect, and do what comes naturally.
Thank you for your answer as well, Dharma :D
ReplyDeleteYeah...not even just child molester, but there's this whole "omg gays gon get yooou!" boogieman thing about gay people. I know that, I guess in my reasoning I forgot that I'm a deranged perv :P Even one of my best friends thinks I'm going to attack my roommate in her sleep because I said I thought she was pretty. I know he's joking but I'm wondering why I'm suddenly going to rape every female on campus now? *pause* Uhhh.
And I'm realizing now that atheism is BAD (to some people) but not so much "atheists are gonna rape your kids etc etc" bad...which, like you said, is logic of the insane but I'm moving on past it now *shrug*