Adhamh Roland

So I twittered a bit about him last night and brought him up in the preceeding post, but just in case you missed it I just thought I'd collect all the info I could find about this radical queer folk artist in one good post:

Last.fm

Riot Folk collective

Myspace

And without further ado, I think we're going to make the lyrics for "Rich, White & Gay" count as today's poetry since I've been slacking.

Note: Liberal use of the word tranny & fag and other such slurs in the song (even if in a tongue & cheek way), just a fair warning if you'd like not to see or hear that.

[Ed: Slightly edited by moi...slightly.]

Rich, White, and Gay

While mainstream gays and lesbians are prioritizing
things like marriage and adoption, the rest of the community is left to fend
for ourselves against racism, classism, transphobia, ablism and more. queer
liberation means liberation for all, while gay assimilation means just
that—assimilation. this song was inspired by the anthology, that’s revolting:
queer strategies on resisting assimilation.

capo 3rd fret

well, what do you
see of the gay mainstream?
queer eye, queer folk—it’s queer t.v.
and you say
‘oh my goodness look how far we’ve come’
but that all depends on where you’re
coming from

‘cause when you say ‘we’
i think i know what you
mean
it’s that rich, white, gay and lesbian
so called community

it’s the
folks who wanna end housing discrimination
but ban youth shelters in the name
of beautification
who think their partners should have health coverage to
share
but don’t give a damn ‘bout universal health care
who fight in the
courts for tougher hate crimes
but think the racist system is working just
fine
‘cause it’s o.k. to haul off to jail the homeless and the youth
people
of color, trannys, sex workers too
as long as it’s not people like you
then
you can maintain you’re agenda
that benefits the few

it’s a gay mainstream
that votes anti-poor
as long as civil unions are accounted for
they don’t
seem to see their obvious connections
between race, class, ability, and gender
expression
they don’t think of the black drag queens that battled for us
all
hurlin’ high heels at the cops outside of stonewall
when they vote to put
more pigs on the streets
and never hear about the people that they
beat

‘cause the human rights campaign is sponsored by nike and coors
who
violate everybody’s rights but yours
they claim to advocate for queers and
trannys
and then don’t write them into nondiscrimination policies
they even
endorsed a republican candidate
thanks h.r.c. for bein’ my advocate

it’s
the log cabins, the don’t ask don’t tell
it’s consumerisms choice demographic
to sell
it’s climbin’ up the ladder leavin’ everyone behind
it’s the best
pecking order capitalism can find
it’s the upwardly mobile that want to
marry
it’s the strict butch/femme dichotomy
it’s queers who equate true
equality
with straight privilege like shows on t.v.
as long as the butt of
the jokes are still based on misogyny
and the lead roles are straight in
reality
it’s a slap in the face to kioshi
and every other
liberation warrior since the sixties
and anyone ever arrested on your
street
cuz they might lower the value of your property

when
you say we
i think i know what you mean
it’s that rich, white, gay and
lesbian so called....
well it’s not the trannys, it’s not the dykes
it’s not
anyone who’s not white
it’s not the whores, not the fags
not asians, latinas,
natives, or blacks
it’s not the homeless, the deaf or blind
it’s not fake
cocks or chests that bind
it’s not the fat folks, or the freaks
or any
combination of any sort of identity

except that rich, white, gay
that rich,
white, and gay
that rich, white, gay ...
...and sometimes lesbian
so called
community

11 year old commits suicide over gay bullying, a bigger problem

I have a bigger post to make about this but I realized human events don't just wait until it's convenient for you to talk about them.

But this story just kills me. I'm so sick of people fucking around with children and not taking them seriously. Bullying is a fucking problem no matter who it is but you do NOT sit on kids getting bullied and act like they get over it. You DO NOT. You handle it quickly, swiftly, and appropriately and it seems schools aren't interested in doing any of the three.

/fuck

Borrowed from...strangely enough, Perez Hilton. Don't worry we're going to get all up in this shit when I'm feeling a little more coherent.

GLSEN Calls on Schools, Nation to Embrace Solutions to Bullying Problem

NEW YORK, April 9, 2009 - An 11-year-old Massachusetts boy, Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover, hung himself Monday after enduring bullying at school, including daily taunts of being gay, despite his mother’s weekly pleas to the school to address the problem. This is at least the fourth suicide of a middle-school aged child linked to bullying this year.

Carl, a junior at New Leadership Charter School in Springfield who did not identify as gay, would have turned 12 on April 17, the same day hundreds of thousands of students will participate in the 13th annual National Day of Silence by taking some form of a vow of silence to bring attention to anti-LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender) bullying and harassment at school. The other three known cases of suicide among middle-school students took place in Chatham, Evanston and Chicago, Ill., in the month of February.

"Our hearts go out to Carl’s mother, Sirdeaner L. Walker, and other members of Carl's family, as well as to the community suffering from this loss," GLSEN Executive Director Eliza Byard said. "As we mourn yet another tragedy involving bullying at school, we must heed Ms. Walker’s urgent call for real, systemic, effective responses to the endemic problem of bullying and harassment. Especially in this time of societal crisis, adults in schools must be alert to the heightened pressure children face, and take action to create safe learning environments for the students in their care. In order to do that effectively, as this case so tragically illustrates, schools must deal head-on with anti-gay language and behavior."

Two of the top three reasons students said their peers were most often bullied at school were actual or perceived sexual orientation and gender expression, according to From Teasing to Torment: School Climate in America, a 2005 report by GLSEN and Harris Interactive. The top reason was physical appearance.

"As was the case with Carl, you do not have to identify as gay to be attacked with anti-LGBT language," Byard said. "From their earliest years on the school playground, students learn to use anti-LGBT language as the ultimate weapon to degrade their peers. In many cases, schools and teachers either ignore the behavior or don’t know how to intervene."

Nearly 9 out of 10 LGBT youth (86.2%) reported being verbally harassed at school in the past year because of their sexual orientation, nearly half (44.1%) reported being physically harassed and about a quarter (22.1%) reported being physically assaulted, according to GLSEN’s 2007 National School Climate Survey of more than 6,000 LGBT students.

In most cases, the harassment is unreported. Nearly two-thirds of LGBT students (60.8%) who experience harassment or assault never reported the incident to the school. The most common reason given was that they didn’t believe anything would be done to address the situation. Of those who did report the incident, nearly a third (31.1%) said the school staff did nothing in response. While LGBT youth face extreme victimization, bullying in general is also a widespread problem. More than a third of middle and high school students (37%) said that bullying, name-calling or harassment is a somewhat or very serious problem at their school, according to From Teasing to Torment. Bullying is even more severe in middle school. Two-thirds of middle school students (65%) reported being assaulted or harassed in the previous year and only 41% said they felt very safe at school.

Carl's suicide comes about a year after eighth-grader Lawrence King was shot and killed by a fellow student in a California classroom, allegedly because he was gay.

GLSEN recommends four simple approaches schools can take to begin addressing bullying now.

Said Walker in the Springfield Republican: "If anything can come of this, it's that another child doesn't have to suffer like this and there can be some justice for some other child. I don't want any other parent to go through this."

Mama, However, Did Not Paint My Nails

So I talked about dad. Probably for the first time in a while in some detail. I think we get now that despite his best, yeah he was abusive.

So, perhaps you've wondered...why I hardly talk about my mother at all? Is it because she's a saint? Because we get along so well? Er, no. You see, ladies and gents, my mother abused me as well, physically and emotionally. Almost indirectly. I'll explain.

I will say first that I think it's actually taken me longer to fully forgive & come to terms with what SHE did...forgive is probably the wrong term actually...perhaps merely get past.

You see, I suppose the great thing is I can fully rationalize both my parents' behaviors. Dad was a drug addict and an alcoholic. Mom, I'm pretty sure I mentioned, has her own history of abuse with her first husband. Also I think it's good to keep in mind that both my parents came from, I guess you'd say...more rural, maybe traditional black homes. Big families out in the country side. Both of them have a history of what you and I may call child abuse--I say "may" because I know not everyone thinks of spankings as abuse, but I'm willing to bet you'd agree with me on out 'n out beat downs--and they were just raised that way. Rationalize, explain, but justify? Maybe.

See, dad had no qualms about spanking me much, and I was a hyperactive little kid until I got severely subdued in first grade for various reasons--thanks society. Mom scoffed at the idea. But, uh, she beat me twice when I was older. I'll get to that.

But before I get any further, I do want to warn the viewing audience at home that I'm going to say some harsh shit and bitter words. If you thought my piece on dad was ugly and revealing, that's just the shit I semi-regularly even talk about. Me and Mom's relationship has been addressed ONE TIME like...6 years ago. But don't worry, I won't air too much dirty laundry on you.

So! All that good stuff out of the way, I'll start by explaining what I mean by "indirectly". Mama has been a working person all her life--from Mickey D's to USA Today (not a journalist or writer mind you)--and that's something for me to happy about because it gives me hope. Mama also had my brother when she was 18. I'm not totally sure about the nature of their relationship other than it seems like they're not very close and it's rather sad. Then again he's not that close to his father either--actually he kinda hates him.

With me though, mom and I are pretty close I'd say. I'm her only daughter, second kid, last.

Mama is also very submissive it seems, very...feminine. She used to be a tomboy she says until she fell out of a tree. I also need to tell you why I think this is--and why issues surrounding rape and violence against women are so close to me--she was sexually assaulted as a child.

You can imagine that would traumatize anyone greatly, add to the fact that when she was in her twenties she married an abusive man who was handicapped--and this handicap lead to people basically blaming her for the abuse, even friends, hell even me at some point. How do you let someone with one functioning arm hit you? we'd say. It seemed my dad was the only one more sympathetic to her--sick innit? Well she "let" her husband abuse her until one day she finally found the strength to up and leave.

So...we all get lonely but it seems like mama is on a quest to constantly fill some void within her that she thinks will be filled by a man. I don't think since she's gotten married she's had a stable relationship. They all usually end in tragedy or stupidness. She also dates interracially--she preferred white men for a long time figuring they would treat her better than white men. Um, me, my bro, and dad usually tried to point out the flaw in that thinking considering the men she dated usually only considered her a living breathing sex toy. I kid you not.

So that's indirectly. How? She would bring these men over at night while I was sleeping and fuck them, therefore I had to learn about sex at quite the early age. Which distorted my views considering that all in all sex was something considered bad and taboo. So I was conflicted quite often. And seeing so many white men use my mother like, as I said, a sex toy, IN FRONT OF ME, not so good.

She would abandon me for these men. She'd leave me alone with my dad for these men. She'd push me away for these men, wouldn't let me near her for these men. She doesn't anymore, but she did. Even worse, when she didn't feel up to fucking these men she'd suddenly use me as an excuse not to see them. They would ask if I could be sent away.

I felt neglected a lot by my mom considering the 12 hour shifts she worked and the only time we could be together--the weekends--she usually devoted to going to clubs and hooking up with these men. When I expressed this fact to my father, he just said that my mom deserved to have a life too. I'd have to concede that he was right...mom being happy just meant that I wouldn't get to see her.

I often felt like neither of my folks wanted me there. Like I was an obstacle despite fervent reassurances...I just didn't see it.

The physical abuse. Well, one Halloween I had a big, big bag of candy. I would never eat it all and my older cousins came over while she had went out somewhere, so I said sure they could have it. When mom came home and found out, she threw me on the bed and beat me. Open hand slaps on the bed yelling at me. Over candy. We drove over and got the bag back. I still have no idea to this day why she beat me over that and neither does she.

The second time, I'm actually not sure about. I just remember her hitting me...a lot. For no reason again I'm guessing.

I hardly ever discuss this with mom. She feels guilty, like dad--but unlike dad, mother feels quite guilty it seems and usually our conversations end up getting nowhere--as in, the focus is no longer on me feeling horrible but how I'm "punishing her" because I feel getting beat up by her is sort of fucked. She's depressed, she cries, she yells at me, but it's usually not about me. I don't feel pity so much as I just get annoyed at that shit so we avoid it. The only time that happened is when she made me attend counseling where I didn't have a choice--and of course all the above happened. The counseling was because no one could figure out why I was cutting myself at 12. I had to scoff at that. I continued until some point last year, for some reason I was rarely angry/upset enough. See, I quit on my own. I know what the fuck's wrong with me, it's you two (and the rest of my family you know).

And that's pretty much it. Why does it take so long to forgive? I wonder if it's more taboo to talk about mothers abusing children (unless it's something drastic like, say, murder) because they are seen as the "caregivers". I guess in a sick way it's easier to explain fathers abusing children because men are more aggressive no? I think that's why it's so hard to excuse anything's she done. I seem to be a great deal annoyed with mom's actions that I am with dad, not because I love either one of them any less or more than the other, but because...mothers don't fucking do that, do they? I may not ever...

They don't want your apologies, Burners

You may have heard this story by now, I found it via Stuff White People Do myself but the comments from debunkingwhite make me feel so much better.

You absolutely have to read this story if you've ever cared about anything in the world:

Burners Torched Over Native Party

Some choice quotes:

Caapi said his team's hearts were in the right place and they did not intend to steal Indian culture. "I think everyone here and inside of our community at large know how poorly promoted this event was in its iconography, in its text, in the affiliations and implications. I think perhaps after tonight the intent will be recognized for the good heartedness it was and the absence of anything resembling cultural appropriation."

But for every apology, the group often inserted a foot into its mouth. Some Burners said they'd been trained by shamans to build altars, others sang racist childhood songs, or noted the lack of Native Americans at Burning Man (which occurs on an Indian reservation). Others asked for Indian help with their Burning Man projects, prompting a Hopi woman to go off.

"I'm trying to articulate my feelings as best I can without completely losing it," she said. "What we do is not an artistic expression. And you don't have artistic license to take little pieces here and there and do what you want with it. That's something you people don't understand, probably never will understand.

"Name your little villages whatever you want, but don't ever associate it with Native Americans. Call it the Crystal Ranch or something. Call it the Mars Ranch. If you want to be spiritual — go be a Druid or something."

That's pretty much it. I am not kidding you, I laughed out loud in real life. Sure it's cruel, but goddamn I hate over privileged fake-liberal white folks, especially when they REFUSE TO RECOGNIZE THIS. These Native American groups do not WANT your apology and from all looks of it, they don't care. They don't care about your tears because you didn't care about their anger. Now they're calling you to your face and you're sad? Go the fuck home.

Do you want to know why? Because in the end, you ultimately get it so incredibly wrong:

"Elaine" on Tribe.net writes: "Dude, don't kiss anymore ass! [Visionary Village] did nothing wrong in the first place. This whole thing is blown completely out of context and out of control. The public apologies shouldn't have to be made. Its not like the theme camp was screaming some Michael 'Kramer' Richard shit at the tribe. Sorry this is just ridiculous."

Anquoe says the non-party was a rare example of effective conflict resolution that is unique to the Bay Area, and he commends Caapi for their actions. Those bystanders who claim overreaction should reverse the situation.

"If Indian people put together a fund-raiser advertised to benefit the Catholic Church where we did our version of a Catholic Church ceremony and there wasn't actually a fund-raiser — you know what the reaction to it would be in the white community!?" he asked. "People would take legal actions against us, it would be crazy, it would be far beyond not having a party. As it is, these kids didn't get to have their party and they had to listen to Indian people being angry and that's about right for the injury they caused the Native community."

Caapi maintains that the fund-raiser for the Native American Church was genuine, and will be providing the names and phone numbers of the event's beneficiaries as soon as he can collect them all.

I'm not Native American. Well, not fully anyway, I do have some Native American blood. So I won't act like I speak for Cherokee or Blackfoot, or any repressed minority but myself. But this is the type of shit I think of whenever I see any half assed apology from the majority to a minority group, whether it be from Congress or Mrs Johnson down the street. You don't mean it and not only do you not mean it but you fully continue to BANK your rights to warp culture wherever you go and SEE NOTHING WRONG. You, Oh Privileged One, can't seem to wrap your head around ANGER at being kicked in the gut so many times and for what.

Shit like this is why I don't care or trust.

See, I started out laughing then I just got pissed. I can laugh again though, white kids crying over not being able to appropriate Native American culture? That's my shit.

Random movie flashback: Tales from the Hood

Or: Get your activism on...or else.

Part I of II, I felt it was getting a little long as it turns out I had more to say about the movie than I originally thought. Oh well! Gives me something to do.

So, I believe Saturday or Sunday morning according to my Twits, I had a random movie flashback and found myself watching Trilogy of Terror. You know what the fuck I'm talking about, what with the frightening dolls and Karen Black. Unfortunately, it still terrifies the life out of me, it seems. I was eating my grapes aghast the whole time. Just...uuuugh.

I really like anthology movies & TV shows done right, unfortunately they rarely are *sigh* I think the last good anthology type I've seen was Three...Extremes, and that fucked me up for some time as only asian horror can do.

Anyway, while I was feeling nostalgic, I drifted over to my another movie from my childhood. I kid you not, I think just about everyone I knew had this movie on tape somewhere in the house to unleash upon unsuspecting victims. And again it still scares the bejeesus out of me without much effort. If you didn't notice the title I'm talking about 1995's Tales from the Hood (as in, not the crypt you know). Goddamnit, it's something about little black dolls running after you that's just...unsettling as hell.

I've seen the movie again at different stages of my life, from being sheet-pissingly frightened as a child to being so-so apathetic towards it as an adolescent, to...being afraid of it again, I have no idea why. Umm...

I will tell you that there's something way deeper here besides little black dolls running after the KKK dude...the stories. Rusty Cundieff, who also directed Fear of a Black Hat and somehow found his way onto Chocolate News (I guess it's the David Alan Grier connection) and...just believe me when I say you know this dude--he manages to successfully, I think, combine supernatural horror with the horrors of reality.

What do I mean? Well, I mean the stories. Other than being a completely black cast (which is pretty rare for a horror anthology--shit, did I say rare, I mean never) I think this is what truly makes the movie stand out. If you haven't actually seen the movie before I won't spoil it too much for you, even though for the most part they're pretty straight forward. BUT...I just...weirdly contradicted myself, anyway--

The movie juggles several prominent & horrible aspects of the black community like gang violence, domestic abuse, drug abuse, and, of course, racism in different forms. The wrap-around story is that of three gang members on their way to pick up drugs from a funeral home (and they didn't question this, for real) and they get roped into hearing the mortician--played by the naturally frightening Clarence Williams III--and his strange tales. It's a weird set up that will have you either rolling your eyes half way through or still wondering WTF to the end but oh well. It's not a great movie or a perfect movie, but by damn it's original and pretty successful at being both scary (well, to me...dolls) and thought provoking.

The first story, Rogue Cop Revelation, is about extremely crooked white cops who take their new black recruit Clarence on patrol and the white cops end up beating a known (fictional) black civil rights activist to death and smearing his name posthumously. Clarence, who only sat by and watched this brutal beating and never reported it, ends up resigning and turning to demon booze to cure his, well, demons. Until a mural of the slain activist, Martin Moorehouse, compels him to bring his murderers to his grave for revenge, and zombie hijinks ensue.

I think this story probably ends up being the most successful because it's so damn close to life without going over the top, except for the, uh, zombie. Corrupt white cops killing a black man trying to make change? Minus the whole undead revenge thing (and the, uh, creative way in which one of the officers is killed) you can't tell me that shit doesn't sound awful familiar. The ending is also rather unexpected, in a good way...let's just say that no one really escapes Moorehouse's revenge, and it leaves you just thinking about it. It's not so much the undead soul that gets you, it's the fact that this DOES happen, sometimes right under our noses, always unfairly, and will unfortunately probably continue happening unless some serious change comes about *sigh*

The second story deals with domestic abuse and child abuse in a way I think is pretty damn believable. It's called Boys Do Get Bruised and it's about a little boy, Walter, dealing with a "monster" in his life. Well...I take that back, the story's believable but the way it's carried out kind of made me cringe at times. Mostly the teacher, I was wondering a few times where the hell he got off. And...yeah those signs of abuse were pretty damn obvious I thought. Goodness. The acting also just took a random dip in this piece. There's also a little not-totally-obvious hueism going on (dark skin=bad light skin=savior). Anyway, Walter finds a way to express himself through art, which proves to be deadly. Pretty good, but deadly. Boy musta had weak bones.

Aside from the annoying ass acting I found this also pretty successful in conveying its message. It's about a boy dealing with his abusive home life the only way he can--he draws the "monsters" he wants to destroy then crumples the paper up, effectively mangling them it seems. First he takes his vengeance out on a bully then on the real monster in his life. I felt particularly close to it because art & stories is the way I tried to express what was going on in my life at various times. I still remember the rather gruesome pictures of women and heads on stakes that I used to conjure *shudder* it's disturbing. The only place this fails I think is length. It's probably the shortest story and doesn't really bother to get all into the story, just abused boy & savior teacher. Not a lot to go on and it makes it pretty cliche. And the...uh...fight scenes. David Alan Grier was apparently using the force on people.

That's the first two stories...I'll talk about the other two later on in the week.

Fear of Dying.

Warning: Talk of death and suicide, and the futility of life. Actually...that's what the whole damn post is about. It's the weekend!



I am tired and this is the weekend, ergo this is bound not to be pleasant.

But.

I will tell you something I need to get off my chest.

I cannot wait to get out of my teen angst stage. I refuse to believe I will be a depressed individual for the rest of my life. I've changed and I will change again.

And yet the more things change the more they stay the same.

I'm not sure how to put this other than I'm tired of being fed up with the world around me and myself. I'm tired of seeing others as untrustworthy. I don't want to hate. I don't want to drown in self pity. I don't want to die.

Let me tell you about death. I had a kooky dream Thursday night/morning no doubt brought on by the fact that I had voraciously consumed not one, not two, but FIVE PACKS OF M&Ms.

The dream was this. I was the Angel of Death. Aaand I killed Mark Sandman. In his sleep. Umm.

I helped him write a song, a couple that appeared on Morphine's final album, the Night (I remember one being "The Way We Met", dunno the other). It was a fairly lucid dream because at the end I remember telling myself, "wait, he didn't die in his sleep, he died on stage!"

Anyway, the dream, I was helping Mark write awesome tunes and while we were talking at some point he asked me if I was tired. I don't remember my response, but then he began taking on a little sickly and I ordered him to bed. I tucked him in (coz I like doing that) and we spoke again...I ended the dream by saying, "The next time I see you it'll be for that final sleep."

"...Damn," I thought upon waking. "The fuck was that."

That was a dream. I don't put much stock in chocolate-induced dreams pretty much for that reason, because I am neither the Angel of Death and nor do I wish any harm on musicians that are already dead.

But like all good Morbid Folks (which is going to be the name of my shoe line I swear) death enters my mind a deal. Being an atheist...or better yet, just being me for some reason I often encounter the question of just what happens after death, I'm so smart. My usual answer is "Just that" or "What the fuck you think happens?!"

I think about it. It's a useless question really, I don't care what happens after death, I'll be fucking dead. I used to be awful determined to find out just that though, either that or prove my immortality to the world, being a former teenage Weekend Para Suicider. That is to say, I used to cut. A lot. First in attempt to kill myself (then there was that one time I drank rubbing alcohol, pills, etc...) then, honestly, for the hell of it. It felt nice compared to everything else.

/soul baring

I stopped suicide after I realized, I was deathly afraid of dying. I didn't want to really leave the earth because I didn't know what would happen next, atheism or not. Not because I might be wrong and end up in that ol' Lake of Fire with the Old Man, not even worrying about my family and...uh, acquaintances, but just because I wouldn't be LIVING anymore. I'd be dead. Deceased. No more. I'd be an ex-Xands. But overtime I lost my fear of death and haven't really regained it.

What drove me nuts about our little shooting incident in January is just how close I had seriously come to dying. If I'd gone and taken a nap I'd have a bullet lodged somewhere in my abdomen. I thought perhaps it was just adrenaline taking over and I was in Co-Ops Mode or something, but days after the fact I realized...I didn't care at all. Perhaps it's just my fatalistic outlook that tells me, well if I had died that would have been it, but I didn't so oh well. Then I had to laugh at the irony that I'd nearly got what I wanted about 5 years ago, and all I had to do was go on the couch for that final sleep. Death is beautiful in it's simplicity, isn't it? Murder. Those men will never get caught you know, fact.

So yes, I am tired, Mr Sandman, I get tired a lot. I am the Angel of Death and sometimes I wish I could crawl into my own tomb.

DEATH be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadfull, for, thou art not so,
For, those, whom thou think'st, thou dost overthrow,
Die not, poore death, nor yet canst thou kill me.

Nigerian gay activists speak against gay marriage ban

Oh dear, just when you were beginning to lose faith in America, here come the rest of the world.

On that note, why does BBC have to make everything a damn noun?

Nigerian gay activists speak out

Nigerian gay rights activists have told the country's lawmakers that a new bill to outlaw same sex marriage would lead to widespread human rights abuses.

The new law would mean prison sentences for gay people who live together, and anyone who "aids and abets" them.

The plea by activists was made to a public committee of the National Assembly which is discussing the bill.

It is already illegal to have gay sex in Nigeria but the new law would extend police powers to arrest suspects.

"This bill is not necessary, we see no reason why people should be criminalised," Rashidi Williams, 23, of the Queer Alliance of Nigeria told the committee.

"I did not choose to be gay. It is trial enough to live in this country, we should not create more laws to make us suffer," he said.

Uhhh tell it. It is, in fact, hard out there for a homo. Even worse in Africa where some countries still hold homosexuality an offense punishable by DEATH.

I'm really mad at the picture of the children wearing the "Same sex marriage is unnatural and unafrican" t-shirts. Why do we indoctrinate the children this way? Well, why do we treat human beings this way.

Can you imagine outlawing gay sex? Well, it'd be hard if some states didn't choose to do that in the land of the free & the home of the brave *side eye* the connections to the church in this article also make me increasingly ill. I really am looking forward to the fall of religion from a roaring cry to a barely heard whisper.

This is not for you, fuck you!

Oh Pearl Jam. Sometimes I wish I could choke Eddie Vedder and thump him in the eye. But the man does good work when he's not busy trying to be Neil Young's long lost son. SOMEONE took the "godfather of grunge" moniker too seriously, Eddie.

Where did they come from, stormed my room?

Restless soul, enjoy your youth
Like Muhammad hits the truth
Can't escape from the common rule
If you hate something, don't you do it too...too

Small my table, a-sits just two
Got so crowded, I can't make room
Oh, where did they come from? Stormed my room!
And you dare say it belongs to you, to you!

This is not for you
This is not for you
This is not for you
Oh, not for you, ah, you

(Scream, my friends...don't call me...
Friends, no they don't scream...
My friends don't call...my friends don't...)

All that's sacred comes from youth
Dedication, naive and true
With no power, nothing to do
I still remember, why don't you? Don't you?

This is not for you
This is not for you
This is not for you
Oh never was for you, fuck you!
This is not for you
Oh, this is not for you, yeah, you...
This is not for you
Oh, not for you
Oh, you

Zombie post: Appealing to reason, driving towards cynicism

AKA If We Sit and Wait for Shit To Happen, It Won't.

Uh, I know for sure this was a Facebook note but I can't recall if it's here too. No matter, I'm expanding on it anyway. I suck with this updating thing lately. My extra special bloggiversary is coming up anyway so I might just refrain from the usual hourly posting. My edits in Italics.

Anyway, so I was wracking my brain with something interesting to talk about, because I know it's my duty to entertain you all. Whether I feel like it or not. And after scrambling to think of something humorous, I failed, got hungry, then as all starving folks do I got desperately serious.

I thought of something my Af.Am [Ed: Yeah African American, I'm lazy as hell] History prof said as we talked about WEB Dubois. You know Dubois as the polar opposite of Booker T Washington and one of the founders of the NAACP. He did a lot of things, but we talked about his philosophy in class for a while and how, at the beginning of his career, rather than the slave "yessa massa" mentality of Washington (I don't hate the man btw, that's just kinda how it is) Dubois tried desperately to appeal to reason.

The moral of his story, really, is you can't appeal to reason and rationality. Ever. Uh-uh. I say this because Dubois eventually said "Fuck some America" and moved away never to return.

Appealing to reason. You know, and this is just my personal philosophy, if we could appeal to reason, frankly we'd never have to. It's like anti-racists declaring "I AM ANTI RACIST!" then they usually do/say something racist. Or saying "sorry" even. If you were, you just wouldn't have to now would you?

Or better yet, as I vaguely got into last week, trying to avoid things that are too conflicty for tastes. Like avoiding the issue of homosexuality because it polarizes too many people. Or matters of church & state. Or racism. If we just ignore then because we can't figure out how to solve them, tell me, is that really being reasonable or just doggedly denialistic? Yeah I said denialistic.

If humans had any reasoning to appeal to, why, just think of it. No more separation of the sexes & races (races, which, don't even actually exist). No more wars. Hell, I think we'd all be at the very least agnostic if that were the case. So think on that. Appealing to reason. If Dubois had been a little less idealistic, he'd have probably realized that slavery & oppression of blacks wouldn't exist if folks had some decent reasoning power. [Ed: I was clearly feeling misanthropic when I wrote this, damn I'm a bitter one.]

Then, you know, he got older and like I said, essentially got tired of being black in America and moved to somewhere in Europe or Africa I believe. As we get older I do think there is a bit of drive towards the schools of cynicism and skepticism. You almost have to, I think, unless you're so stuck in your world view and you just aren't evolving at all, which is bad.

And I'm not talking about "omg I hate the world *starbucks coffee*" modern cynicism, I mean real ass Greek definition. Yeah, different ain't it?

I will say I believe that. I do. I try not to follow too much of a defeatist attitude but I think as we do get older, get away from friends and parents and other influences, as we find ourselves we do grow more towards cynicism. And no I don't mean cynical as in the "i hate everyone" actually that's apathy sense.

Since I'm not feeling nearly as spiteful today I do think it's good to appeal to reason. Sometimes. That just can't be the basis of your struggle because...well, yeah, if we could just appeal to human reasoning you think we'd have nearly the shit that we weigh ourselves down with? It's sad. Folks don't learn. There has to be conflict. I say, and I think I'm quoting someone indirectly but I can't find it, to my friends & other sometimes that people CAN indeed change, but only with time and much force. MUCH force. You have to literally snap the wool from over their eyes and make them SEE, damnit. Not "the light", just anything. That makes me sad but unfortunately it just seems to be a fact of life. It's not that people are slow witted, just slow to change. Evolution takes millions of years for a reason I guess. Silly people.

Hah, I guess what I'm saying is I have no faith because I haven't been given reason to hope. Not a whole lot anyway.

Hey, Tennessee, let's ban adoption for those heathen folk.

Oh goddamnit I hate my state. Why do we do these things? First it was the English Only Amendment (which didn't pass, obviously, so buleria bitches) and now we're ALSO wanting to ban adoption for unmarried couples. Yep, let's join the ranks of Florida and Kentucky and Arizona an'nem.

Check it out though, only unmarried couples are prevented adopting. I mean, do you realize how big a damn group that is? It obviously includes single folks, as in single straight men and women, gays, lesbians, transgender people...pretty much anyone who is not and cannot be married.

AND I DON'T GET THIS. I can almost see a hint of logic behind it if I try. But, so, let's prevent more and more kids from having a decent home because we're only allowing married couples to adopt. Sorry if you're single and you can afford to adopt a child that needs you, married couples only.

Buhhhh?

That frankly makes no sense and we need to tell these...uh...people just that. Tennessee. YOU AREN'T HELPING YOURSELF. It's time to make some new friends and protest this ridiculous mess. Auuugghh.

Oh, here's a Facebook group to join, it has lots of good links and things :D

But...just in case you don't have a Facebook and/or don't feel like joining the group, here's some linkses if you're interested.

To call your local representative: http://www.capitol.tn.gov/legislators/

and call to Sen. Paul Stanley's office directly: http://www.capitol.tn.gov/senate/members/S31.html

[Ed: I fail at that link thing. Ooops.]

And heeere's what the bill actually says in case, for some reason, you didn't believe me! Let me know if that link doesn't work, someone, it's being kinda faulty for me (popping up then not popping up).

Now that I've said my peace, I'm getting my jotting hand ready! You think he'd be mad if I addressed him as...a...memb--okay you know whose name he has right? I'm horrible.

What's so wrong with anger?

Y'all know I have a BA in Dylanology, but before that I had my Master's in Rush. The song I'm pulling lyrics from for this post is called "Stick it Out" from their '93 album Counterparts. As I go along you'll see why I used this particularly "angry" song over the countless millions of 'em.

So let's talk about anger. Or rather, I want someone to tell me when "anger" became a bad thing for MINORITIES.

Trust to your instincts
If it's safely restrained
Lightning reactions
Must be carefully trained

I don't get it. When I say "minority" for the purposes of this post we're talking men and women of color for right now. If that term bothers you any I apologize.

I've never understood why minorities of any sort can't be angry though. We're labeled with "angry black" or "that damn angry woman" or "angry asians". It's supposed to silence us, somehow, but the irony is that the silencing makes us even angrier. This isn't exactly new ground but it still kills me when I see in internet debates or real life conversation, it's usually some white person pulling back from a minority like "Oh my gosh why are you so angry?"

I've always thought it's pretty obvious to anyone who's not fucking clueless. I mean, you've been in history class and learned about what us silly minorities have suffered under the hands of Them In Power, right? So we're not supposed to be mad. We're supposed to suck it up and be polite, respectable negroes, asians, women, whoever. This is how people listen to us to totally disregard us later. If we politely write letters with our dainty white gloves on. Riiight.

Stick it out
Don't swallow the poison
Spit it out
Don't swallow your pride
Stick it out
Don't swallow your anger
Spit it out
Don't swallow the lies

So again I ask you, what's wrong with anger? We have every right to be angry but there will be folks that will tell you to calm down or watch your tone, like that matters when you're confronting patriarchy, discrimination, prejudice, what have you. Don't cuss, don't shout, it frightens us!

Honestly, if I'm not shouting, how do I get heard above the dull murmur of the masses? That's the part I don't get. We're supposed to be quiet and hide in the background, politely raise our hands like "excuse me? Can we have some equality?" Yeah, this gets nothing done.

I'll tell you about my anger. I consider myself pretty chill. On the other hand, I'm afraid I'm not very tolerant and blatant idiocy makes me kind of upset. I don't like to waste energy, so if I'm yelling at you about shit I probably have a good damn reason. You disregarding my argument because you did something to piss me off is really more telling of you that it is of me.

I have been called angry and pissed by white men many times. People that know I'm usually a calm individual (if a little bouncy) but the minute I call them on injustice and stop being their little dancing monkey suddenly I'm angry. I've been told to calm down. And sure, every so often I'll get so pissed I make insane typos because my hands are trembling. It's true, yes, I do get mad. And I don't really care. Why shouldn't I get mad? Why shouldn't I declare my anger? Hell, I don't even particularly care if you listen to me or not, the thing is, you've made this black chick pissed and she's telling you about it. If that makes you uncomfortable, deal with it. Think about what you said prior to me screaming at you to eat a bowl of dicks and don't do that again. Consider it a learning experience, fucker.

You might be too dizzy...to do the right thing

Anger is good. I'm telling you, anger is good. Sure, sometimes it causes us to make rash decisions like slash boyfriend's tires or set girlfriend's cat on fire. But I honestly believe that anger is good. It's healthy. If you never get angry at something you might be Richard Cory. It's fine for other folks to get mad, but minorities? No, we're either just whining or we need to get ourselves together. We can't be mad about injustice or anything, and for god's sake stop yelling, I can actually hear you!

You get so used to surrender

Man I get tired of people's bullshit. I tell you guys everyday (or everyday you read my blog, I'm more than likely pissed at something). I'm sure you do too. I am tired of being told I should just lie down and take what's coming to me and smile politely at it, or better yet, that I need to just pull myself up by my bootstraps and get over it. No one cares but me.

Who the fuck are you to tell me that, I want to know.

I care and me caring is all I care about. So I'm mad, you know what you should do? Listen to my grievances regardless. It's not that people don't whine, but this automatic dismissing of minority anger so you can plug your ears and go "Nananana, lalala!" has really got to stop. It's all sorts of immature and disrespectful, and yet it still goes on with the completely oblivious--and they wonder why shit happens. Well that's why shit happens. You don't listen to us, we make you listen. That, again I say, is how feelings get hurt and people get cussed out.

I'm angry by the way. Oh noes!

The battle is over, and as usual there are no winners

I told you all a little tale about a woman's family fighting for her right to die. Well, she died.

Italian coma battle woman dies

*Side note: If you don't like that headline I guarantee you I hate it more. Whaaaat?

Eluana Englaro, the Italian woman at the centre of a right-to-die debate, has died, the health minister has said.

Maurizio Sacconi made the announcement in Italy's Senate as politicians were debating a law that would have forced doctors to continue feeding her.

Ms Englaro, 38, had been in a persistent vegetative state since being injured in a car crash in 1992.

Doctors at a private clinic in the northern city of Udine had been withholding her food since Friday.

They had earlier said Ms Englaro might live for another two weeks.

Really, I'm more concerned with the family than these fuckheads fighting over this woman's body, on both sides. I understand that Italy has no euthanasia law (although patients can refuse treatment) so I suppose it had to become somebody's business. I still don't care. I just can't imagine how this family feels, having to watch their daughter for 17 years and, finally knowing that she would never wake again, have to fight tooth and nail to let her go.

In July, a court in Milan ruled that doctors had proved Ms Englaro's coma was irreversible. It also accepted that, before the accident, she had expressed a preference for dying over being kept alive artificially.

Perhaps you don't agree with euthanasia. I don't completely either. And we're fine with that. But you know, sometimes, at the end of the day it doesn't really matter what you believe in or in this case, don't, but rather, what's right for this woman and her family. I don't believe in suffering and that kind of overrides any personal queasiness I have about euthanasia, added to the fact that it's seriously no one's business but her family's.

And now she has passed on and you can believe this shit is nowhere near over. It will be taken to the streets (well, even more so actually). And that makes me sad and, dare I say, ill inside.

Do You Know Who You're Dying For?

Well, let me start by saying that having a blog that your friends know about makes it harder to talk shit about them. I need to stop advertising, I need that anonymity. I'm just snitching on myself damnit! But then again, maybe we both need to read this.

"I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones." - Albert Einstein

Anyway, so a friend and I were randomly discussing WWIII. I do hold it in my chest cavity, somewhere, that the world is headed towards a third World War. Eventually. It just seems inevitable. Wars just...are.

So my friend's Palestinian. You know there's the "issue" between Israel and Palestine right now--and yes I know "issue" is a vast, vast understatement. Only if "issue" means "all out senseless bloodshed". My friend is Palestinian and while this bloodshed is something I don't think I'll ever hope to understand, me and her talk about it sometimes. I mean, it's her home country & the country of her parents, how could it not wiggle into conversation? How could she not be on the side of her homeland? How could she not think of it. I understand all of this.

Tonight though she said something odd, to the effect of wanting to be a martyr for her country. I blink numbly at this and ask her why. She says she can't explain it, wanting to die for God and her country.

Now...not only do I draw the line at "God" but I draw the line at senseless destruction and violence. MARTYRDOM?

Not much time with much to do, look ahead and walk on through; no one's taking sides this time--it's you. -- "Summerland", King's X

Getting my delicate atheist sensibilities aside, I have never seen the "goodness" in martyrdom. It's a stupid act. I told her thinking like was what gets people killed--and it is. I honestly think so! Religion doesn't start all wars but it does start them. Martyrdom. Who are you dying for? Who believes in a God that wants them to die? That your eternal reward--after death--is? I don't actually care how devout or how devout you think you are, that is senseless.

I didn't want to talk about it anymore. It actually sort of frightened me that dreams of martyrdom had infected her thoughts. It frightens me when anyone ups and says they want to die for their god. It also pisses me off a little but it scared me more than anything. I suppose we all want to live and die for what you believe for...but haven't enough people been lost in this conflict, this war? Suicide bombers, holy missions...it all frightens me. I don't want anymore people to die for this.

It's play time but it's far to late...what you gonna give, is not enough, it's not enough for me. --"Wicked As It Seems", Keith Richards

What are you dying for? Do you know what you're dying for? That takes... a certainty and conviction I really don't have, I think. I'm not particularly afraid to die, but I'm not dying for something that I can't even be sure is there. Pie in the sky happiness. Dying for my country? But that's what soldiers do...not young girls wanting to go to medical school...isn't it?

Is she braver than I so I call her foolish? Or is she brave because she's foolish...is it so foolish? Is it my place to inform her that God, it doesn't exist, so what are you dying for?

It really is hard to explain...

_{Don't ask about my song selection.}

Iraqi woman had 80 raped for suicide bomb recruits...

Yes, sadly, I must ruin your morning/afternoon/day in general. For I think this story just about covers everything I hate in the world...about.

Iraqi woman had 80 women raped to recruit suicide bombers

A WOMAN suspected of recruiting more than 80 female suicide bombers has confessed to organising their rapes so she could later convince them that martyrdom was the only way to escape the shame.

Samira Jassam, 51, was arrested by Iraqi police and confessed to recruiting the women and orchestrating dozens of attacks.

In a video confession, she explained how she had mentally prepared the women for martyrdom operations, passed them on to terrorists who provided explosives, and then took the bombers to their targets.

"We arrested Samira Jassim, known as 'Um al-Mumenin', the mother of the believers, who was responsible for recruiting 80 women'', Major General Qassim Atta said.

"She confessed her responsibility for these actions, and she confirmed that 28 attempts had been made in one of the terrorists' strongholds,'' he said.

Now that's just fucking despicable. She has these women RAPED and tells them the only way to escape the shame of SOMETHING THAT WASN'T THEIR FAULT is to basically blow themselves up for their deity. There is no sense in suicide bombing itself but there's even less sense in this. She ruined the lives of these young women then TOOK their lives from them. And for what? Really, I ask you, for what?

And no, the men that actually carried out these recruitment rapes don't get a pass either. Everything around this is sick sick sick. Prey on women's fears to get them to do your bidding. I can't think of anything more awful.

That Obligatory Black History Post

Why he's so mad for? Why he gotta have it?
Cause I slaved my whole life, now I'm the master

-Kanye West, "Swagger Like Us"

"Xands..." you ask fearfully, checking my pulse. "This title says 'black history post'. Why the hell are you quoting Kanye West?"

And you'd be right to be worried, but I swear I'm going to explain my sudden lapse of reasoning. I haven't been feeling very substantial this week but suddenly I'm reinvigorated!

As we know, February is Black History Month...I think I like the alternative, Black History Awareness Month. I like the "awareness" bit. It's one thing to just know history--but if you aren't aware and aren't able to apply it daily well then...

Every year without fail I get someone, usually white, perplexed and distressed out of their mind--perhaps even wringing their hands--asking me, "Oh Xands, why do blacks get a history month?! You'd all be offended if whites had a history month!"

EVERY

YEAR.

EVERY GODDAMN YEAR someone asks me that question, and it doesn't seem like simple explanations are ever enough. Try it, I'm serious. Next time someone asks you why there's a black history month, don't even give them an in depth answer. Just say something like, "Well because every other month is white history month." Do some sarcastic air quotes. They'll turn from "understanding" to "scoffing" real quick. Or maybe it's just my so-called friends. I think it might be the air quotes that get's em riled.

I find myself quite sensitive around February for that very same goddamn reason. You know, if you don't particularly care for the month, well don't do anything for it. It's not like MLK Day, Presidents Day, Labor Day...you still go about business as usual. Don't learn anything about black people in the world. Go about your usual day. It's not hard.

But do not, under any circumstances, ask me or your black friend and expect to get some miraculous in-depth answer that will explain the universe, damnit. You will get a simple one, and it will be so simple that it has clearly flown over your head.

I tried that "because it's white history month every other month" response a few times, and usually I'm called stupid or ignorant, first to my surprise and then to my extreme cynicism and lack of faith in anyone/anything. I come to expect it. What is it, ask a stupid question get a stupid answer? Yeah.

You gotta have a fever for somethin' good, come on y'all... Q-Tip, "Fever"

Alright then, enough grandstanding, why then? Why are blacks sooo special that we get our own month to learn about ourselves? As much as I get tired of repeating this shit, I will say it every month all year until it finally starts sinking in; until folks stop giving me that blank look about February when I say I'm heading up to the Culp center for a seminar on racism & hip hop (well, I'll probably never stop catching flak for that); until folks stop scratching their heads over Women's History, Hispanic Heritage Month, GLBT History month, and stop wondering why white folks don't get everything.

Right? Well. It's the way you treat us. Okay? See, that was easy. What do I mean? Well shit, it's no secret that history books are only just being rewritten to include more achievements by those of us not white straight males. Accurately. Blacks weren't slaves forever until the Civil War and then jump into the 60s. Women didn't just vanish until WWII then cue feminism. Chinese have been in the country forevers and evers. I mean really.

Oh but it's not just history books that are being re-written, every year literature anthologies get updated to include women, blacks, chinese, japanese, mexicans, native americans...art books, there was something between Eurocentric Renaissance art then, you know, cue Modernism, Post Modernism, Futurism.

You'll never understand why things are the way they are now without history. I assume most of us here would agree with that, but when it comes to learning about a certain group's history that fact seems to break down and it's all "Reeeally, a whole moonth? *weep*"

So that's really it. Black History Awareness, you either do it or you don't. You either get it or you don't. I'm at the point in my life where if someone asks me to explain this phenomenon one more time I might actually resort to physical violence (just sayin). But I'm recommending, if you've never done it, that you at least try to comprehend, and learn about black history be you black, white, native, anything in between.

As a side note, I didn't bother even going there with why BHA is in February, 28/9 days, the damn suckiest day of the year. Not even gonna go there... _{it does fail though.}

English Only Amendment... FIGHT!!

Well, first off you may notice that shit looks different. Again. I can't help it.

Anywho, the battle to pass the English Only amendment is really gaining ground this time around. Let me make a more coherent post about that other than dismissing it as being "silly"...well, it is but being silly doesn't stop something from getting passed. WE ALL KNOW THAT.

First off, I mentioned that this was proposed a few years ago, but was shot down by I think then Mayor Bill Purcell. New mayor Karl Dean also told the proposal to fuck off and has voted against it.

This is the week of early voting, actual voting is January 22.

I should also mention that this isn't for the whole state of Tennessee, it's just for the Nashville/Metro-Davidson County area. Which is actually a large area anyway.

So you may still be wondering what the big deal is. So you wanna pass an English only bill, big damn deal right? Well, no. I like sub-headings, let's do sub-headings.

I. What, exactly, happens if this bill passes?

That is actually the major question and that's what's important. From the information I've gathered, the proposal just wants to cut all that silly non-English communication provided by Metro govt. I'm assuming this means no more bilingual, trilingual, multilingual communication from Metro services. EVERYTHING will be in English. We're even holding up the hand to people who don't speak English. God forbid they want to do business with us or anything. But don't take my word for it (emphasis mine):

“English is the official language of the Metropolitan Government of Nashville and Davidson County, Tennessee. Official actions which bind or commit the government shall be taken only in the English language, and all official government communications and publications shall be in English. No person shall have a right to government services in any other language. All meetings of the Metro Council, Boards, and Commissions of the Metropolitan Government shall be conducted in English. The Metro Council may make specific exceptions to protect public health and safety. Nothing in this measure shall be interpreted to conflict with federal or state law.”

II. Okay, I see that bold part. What's your beef?

We live in an English speaking country anyway, theoretically you should already know English. In theory.

Getting aside from the fact that we all know damned good and well that not everyone in this country speaks English, be it well or at all, here's the worst thing about this wonderful "proposal".

The official language of Tennessee?

...IS FUCKING ENGLISH. It's already WRITTEN IN OUR DAMN CONSTITUTION! By now you should be thinking...

III. Okay. ...Wait, what?

That's right, the official language of TN is already English, and here we are trying to make the official language of a CITY...ENGLISH.

And that is exactly where this proposal fails to make any sense at all. How the hell are we trying to amend our Metro Charter so that English is the official language...and it already LEGALLY IS? They obviously either failed a few government classes or just want to save themselves the inconvenience of translating anything--but hold on, translating. Nevermind the fact that I don't think I've seen any of these so called bilingual translations that the city seems to not want to inconvenience itself with anyway. Walk around, everything here is pretty much English anyway unless it's an ethnic-owned place, then it's either in English or in X language, say Spanish. I've seen several car shops owned by Mexicans, their signs are in Spanish. They live in large Spanish neighborhoods, they usually serve Spanish people, many of them probably speak English well enough anyway. What is really the point here.

I don't know what the pro-English only side is arguing, and honestly I'd like to see it. So far I've only heard from the Belmont and Lipscomb crowds (that being all white, rich, privileged private college kids. I know, call me biased, I'm really not sorry). I just hope their argument isn't as damned embarrassing as this proposal.

IV. Alright, what do you think should be done?

I've said it before, but if the state really doesn't want to convenience itself with those wacky non-English speaking folk, then damnit do something about it. Provide more resources to teach them English, don't just look at them and go "I CAN'T UNDERSTAND YOU LALALALA"

That's not fair and that's just ignorant. The other thing would be...to...uh...not pass the bill. So many people are against this it isn't funny and is becoming more embarrassing still. I'm hoping it'll fail and die a quiet death for no one to ever propose it again. Seriously, this is stupid, I think it's stupid.

For me this isn't just a government issue but a people issue as well. How dare we turn away those that don't speak English well, not that we haven't been doing it forever and we're trying to do it still? You know what, in addition to making me pay for my classes by the HOUR (and I'm a full time goddamn student), TN can pretty much go to hell. YES I'm biased and I don't care!

If you're still interested, please try Compassion Politic's article, the analysis on this blog, and even the Anti-English Only Facebook group. This shit spreads way beyond "Hey let's make everything English!" when you realize what "everything" entails.

Uggggh. Boooo, Nashville.

California BART police shoot unarmed suspect?

This is a really weird story and my first day seeing it. I'm sure I haven't seen it before, I don't know though...

First off, since I don't live anywhere near Cali, as far as I can see BART stands for Bay Area Rapid Transit. Umm, not sure why or how they have their own police force, but that's interesting.

Strangely enough, I found this story on the Cracked.com forums. Although the forums do have serious discussions going on, Cracked is usually a humor website (formerly a magazine). Even stranger I found this vid in their "mirth canal" section, which I think is just for videos in general.

Anyway, I digress. Let's take a look at this story with the two links I've found there.

BART appeals for calm as footage shows shooting

BART's police chief asked for patience from the public on Sunday after video footage surfaced showing one of his officers fatally shooting an unarmed man who was on the ground on a station platform on New Year's Day, and after an attorney for the dead man's family said he planned to sue the transit agency for $25 million.

Chief Gary Gee said he, too, had seen video images of the shooting of Oscar Grant, a 22-year-old supermarket worker from Hayward. But Gee said he found the footage to be inconclusive, and he said his investigators still needed to interview a key witness - the officer himself.

That officer, a two-year veteran, has not been publicly identified and has been placed on routine administrative leave. BART officials have said only that his handgun discharged at about 2:15 a.m. Thursday at the Fruitvale Station in Oakland and that the bullet struck the unarmed Grant, who had been detained with several others.

And now we'll look at this section, which is baffling to me:

Officials have not said whether the officer intended to shoot Grant. One source familiar with the investigation said BART is looking into a number of issues, including whether the officer had meant to fire his Taser stun gun rather than his gun. Alameda County prosecutors are conducting their own investigation, as is standard in officer-involved shootings.

Granted, they're only looking at that as a possibility, but...dude. I know a stun gun and a hand gun look and react just a like and everything (hint: No, no they don't) but seriously. I've got a Youtube video below this and there's some vid in the link, check out the footage. A stun gun for what? It doesn't look like the guy was moving around any except when he starts doing that rocking motion, but otherwise it looks like the victim was cooperating. Obviously I wasn't there and that's just my perception on it though. I just don't think a stun gun was necessary to get a dude who's already face-down on the floor to hold still. And there's like more than one cop around him anyway, he wasn't going to get up with all that force, that'd have been stupid and unlikely.

Also...most actual stun guns I've seen are yellow, and your standard police issue gun is black. Was the cop under duress and honestly didn't notice that he had the completely wrong weapon? And why was it pointed at the man's head?

I really do think this just was an accident, a stupid and senseless and tragic one, but an accident nonetheless. No one in their right of mind (or even not in their right of mind) is going to purposefully whip out a gun and shoot someone in the head in a crowded bus station with a horde of your fellow officers just standing there.

Edit: I was just going to delete that paragraph, but I'll let it stand. You know what? I'm actually starting to doubt that this was an accident. I think "mistake" is the more fitting word.

An accident would imply that this officer didn't mean to shoot this young man. I'm really starting to wonder--first off, he had to unholster the gun. Then he would have to remove the safety unless he really was just walking around with it free to fire anytime. Then he would have to squeeze the trigger, unless you're...I dunno, the fucking Rifleman, gun triggers don't typically go off with just a tap.

In combination with guns typically looking nothing like stun guns (this isn't always the case but still) and considering all the officers around this man, WHEN was anyone going to say, "Wait a minute, that's not your Taser!" Or better yet, at what point did HE stop and realize, "Wait, this isn't a Taser!" I actually still want to know what he was doing pointing at the man's head anyway. Wouldn't you typically zap someone in the side or else an area NON-DAMN-LETHAL?

Plus the fact that he has resigned to avoid questioning it seems, this shit is just looking curiouser and curiouser.

So, you may be wondering if this story has blown up any more, and it's looking that way. Death threats are never the way to go, folks, no matter how angry you might be.

To end all that, accidental as this is, this police officer shot a young man and I hope to see some justice done on behalf of the family. And now, video of the incident from Youtube. I have to say it is a little disturbing so I wouldn't blame you for not wanting to see it.

Edit: Interesting. The cop has resigned according to this.

Well I could say two things about that. The first being that he's pretty much freaking out over the incident and doesn't want to give some sort of statement. The second...he's freaking out and doesn't want to give a statement, AND is being mildly suspect. Curiouser. What's really going on guys...

"The Talk" and What I Found There

This week has been decidedly...strange. Pretty much from New Year's on, and it's all revolved around that fabled of subjects: sex. In places you'd never expect, from playing Monopoly (fucking Monopoly dude) to helping mom with her socks (she has a back problem and can't bend far). And, you know, I'm still juvenile enough that I can giggle like a 4 year old at the "birds & the bees" talk but frankly, I'm really disturbed at some shit that came up.

Ooh, subheadings!

I. The Talk

So mom just comes up one day and, after hearing Michael Baisden on the radio, decides she wants to have a go at giving me "the talk" again. She's tried this every odd year since I was a child, with varying degrees of success. This year went fairly well but I think it was more because I didn't let up once she started. No embarrassment, no giggling, no hiding--if you're going to start something, don't bring it up and get shy.

...And okay, maybe I was laughing my ass off at the awkwardness, but I was actually very happy. It's not that I know everything there is to know about sex, but I was so happy to be able to engage in conversation with her. I reminded her about the Female Orgasm seminar I went to a few months back (well, technically last year ain't it?) and I got her to stop vilifying sex.

Now, my mother's had some pretty awful experiences with sex that I'm not going to get into because she'd psychically kick my ass. I'll just say that after some of the shit she's gone through, I can understand her perspective on trying to explain sex to me her way. But I had to tell her that if she wanted to try this again next year she was going to have to:

1) Stop trying to give me that "abstinence is best" bollocks after having 2 kids (me and my bro) out of wedlock herself *side eye* Come on mom
2) Sex isn't bad. It isn't. There's bad consequences if you don't protect yourself and/or find yourself doing it for the wrong reasons, but on a whole I believe sex & having sex isn't really a bad thing

After those "ground rules" so to speak, things went pretty well. We essentially had a 2 day conversation and I just kinda forced her to be frank with me. I may have been a little harsh but...really that's just how I roll when it comes to my mom sometimes :P

Unfortunately what DID come up is my extreme aversion to people touching me. There's two reasons for this, actually

1) Previous abuse
2) I'm extremely ticklish everywhere. I am not even kidding

II. Would you, Could you, Should you...

I don't mind hugs, kisses, being affectionate, handshakes & shit like that. But frankly I don't like being touched by strangers--strange doctors, strange people, strange family members. If I don't know you/like you, you may not get so much as a handshake. I've never really thought there was something wrong with that, am I to just throw myself at every person I meet? Noooo.

The second reason is easy. I am ticklish as hell and I'd really rather not ever be tickled. I got tickled an awful lot as a child but no one really seemed to get that IT FUCKING HURTS for me to be tickled.

I remember feeling the most extreme alarm when I got tickled by my mom or her boyfriend (not my dad, he didn't hurt me or anything he just tickled me because he figured it was funny). I still don't know if that's really normal, but I never had the giggly reaction to tickling, I usually screamed and ran. My dad's never tickled me because he's more or less the same way--super sensitive I guess we are. Tickling is not fun for either of us and I really don't know what's so hard about respecting my fucking boundaries and not running up for a tickle because that's what you do to kids--not this kid.

Oh, the first reason. Previous abuse. And by that, I suppose, I mean sexual.

What to say about that. That actually happened a little later on in my life and it's difficult to explain. It my brain it's a bit Hitchcockian--jumbled up, confused, tied in psychology and over analysis. Some days I can remember it quite fine and other days I wonder if it happened at all. For years I wondered, "Was that really abuse?"

I don't really want to say much about it other than it was a female & male member of my non-blood family (as in, not related to me by blood) that I actually get along with pretty well now. I mean, it's come up between us once before and it's usually just waved off--hell, I don't know if I'd even consider it actual "sexual abuse", the only reason I can say that is because she's a few years older (he is a quite a few years older) than me and at the time I was too young to have any clue what I was doing and I didn't want to say "no". That kinda throws it in the grey area of "experimentation" and "abuse" I think.

I've only brought this up to my mother once before and, uh, it seems she conveniently doesn't remember which kinda throws me in that dream-like state once again of "did that really just happen?" Who the fuck dreams that vividly? Or maybe...I don't know...

I didn't mention it this time though, I just gave the reason that I'm tired of repeating over and over, I. Am. Ticklish. I think the scary part of that is, the ticklish is actually the bigger reason that I don't much like to be touched than the abuse. You know, the emotional & verbal abuse I've suffered over the years, that's tangible. Everyone knows that happened and I don't need to do much to prove it. The sexual aspect? Not so much. It's strangely intangible, just floating in the memory of my mind like something loose. In a way it is a little frightening that such a damaging experience (or experiences) could just be set aside for a moment like that. I don't know why...

I hope one day soon I'll be able to talk about that in detail again--make someone remember, make it more tangible to myself. Hopefully around our next "talk"...

If you're still wondering about how one talk about sex over Monopoly, I'll try to get into that tomorrow. That is even more disturbing and truly deserves its own post.

Blackface: It's not a hard concept

Alright *crick* I'm gonna try this post again.

Blackface: it isn't a hard concept to grasp is it? Black. Face. It explains itself. I think the people up here GET that part, they just don't understand WHY it's racist and, uh, BAD.

So some fraternity students (Sigma Phi Epsilon you ignorant bastards) decided they were going to paint their faces black for Halloween and dress up as rappers. And by the looks of things these ignorant souls aren't quite getting how that's inappropriate.

Blackface is the delicate art of painting one's face black. This would usually also include exaggerated African American features such as painting one's eyes and lips with a color to emphasize them. I don't think the frat guys did all that but they did get far enough to paint their faces black to make them appear African American. Let me also throw out that THERE ARE WHITE FUCKING RAPPERS AND THEY COULDN'T DRESS AS SOMEONE THEIR OWN COLOR?

Now here's the part that's killing me: not only do they not see this as racist (in the paper one of their frat brothers said, and I quote, "Imitation is the highest form of flattery" WHAT?!) but they want to be let off the hook because they didn't have racist intentions.

Again I say, uh, NEGATIVE.

Personally, I don't give a fuck what their intentions were supposed to be (and let's face it, I'm still not seeing how dressing up as a black person is "imitation" and "flattery" you dumb asses) what matters is that they did something offensive and need to be punished. They were sent through racial sensitivity training but do you think it worked?

There was a discussion held with about 100 students last Wednesday and how many of them there do you think were "oh that wasn't offensive! I've seen worse!" And how many of them do you think took an actual lesson away other than "Ehhh"?

I have no faith in these people. If one more person asks me to clarify why blackface is bad I will do something horrible to them. It isn't a hard concept to grasp. In Nashville I was lucky enough to learn what blackface was and that yes, it IS racism and it IS a bad thing. Apparently beyond my city limits, however, no one else got this answer (all white people, hmmmm go figure that) and scratch their heads at my outrage.

To those people I have to give a hearty "fuck off" and "read a goddamn book". The ignorant, oblivious racism on this campus is atrocious and MORE DAMN WORK needs to be done to get these white folk to open their eyes up to the stupid, stupid things they are doing. And MORE DAMN WORK needs to be done with the black folk here too--I mean, in the article the two sole black members of the frat actually said they "didn't care" about their frat brothers dressing in black face--WHAT, I say again. This madness cannot continue! The black population (hell, the minority population) of ETSU is small but that's no excuse; we can have a voice and we can make changes happen.

Why Obama stays on my door

So, our door got vandalized.

I figure I'll tell this story and get it over with, and this will hopefully be my last Election Day post since the drama has officially died down (I think).

So my room mate P, the one I hate (yet have started to respect again), is an Obama supporter. In spite of the extreme prejudice & racism on this side of the state (I can't tell you the hateful things I've heard from some McCain supporters) she went with the really tan guy with the funny name.

If anyone recalls correctly, I, on the other hand, said I would not be voting in this election. Yes, yes, I know, the shame. There's actually two reasons now but I won't go into those because it detracts from the story. I was happy when Obama was elected, however, but there were only 3 people in my vastly Republican dorm hall to really celebrate with. And it just got WORSE when I checked Facebook, LJ, and everything else I'm on right now (bout fifty-levin sites).

"He's just going to get assassinated" and "Well now we're a Socialist country" and "God help our country" and "I'm moving to Canada" and all kinds of ignorant shit. It actually made me quite depressed but relieved at the same time to see these people and their true colors in all their hateful glory. As the days go on I think I'm more relieved than sad that I officially know who not to associate with anymore, not just my so-called Republican friends but just these generally myopic, hate-mongering, racist, idiotic fools I used to call "friends" *sigh* And now you see why I don't have any...

But indeed I celebrated with my room mate. I congratulated. And the next day in the paper there was a big, colorful picture on the front page of Obama in front of the flag (during a debate I think) and a large caption declaring, "OBAMA WINS". Me and my room mate, knowing the residents of our hall, smirked at each other and I grabbed a pair of scissors, borrowed some tape, and voila, Barack Obama was part of the newspaper-flower collage on our door. Smack dab in the middle, the title taped separately from the photo.

Well, we both took a bet on how long it would be before some disgruntled soul came by and got mad, and we agreed on 5 hours. Oh, but the young ladies/men here proved us wrong and I bet you it wasn't an hour or two later before we discovered the picture missing but the caption still up. It was ripped up in the lobby before the elevator. We looked at each other and LAUGHED at the sheer ignorance.

We didn't cry foul or racism or anything, we just laughed because we knew it would happen. So I slapped on some post-it notes on the ends of the caption and declared these misguided ones "Ignorant fuckwits" followed by "LOL!" Yeah, it's juvenile but...come on, you take the picture but not the caption? That's like moving the headstones but not the bodies /Poltergeist.

So...I guess an hour or two later, guess what, the caption is gone, sticky notes and all. Oh, but we had reserves. We slapped up another photo I'd printed at the very top of the door (P is much taller than I) and I wrote in the blank space, again, "YOU IGNORANT FUCKWITS! LOL!" and reminded them that "Vandalism is bad you gaiz". And you know what? It's still there! Hmmm.

It's going to stay there and I don't care how many times it gets ripped off, we'll just keep putting up new pictures if we have to. I think the drama really is over, but no one bothered their McCain/Palin posters and pictures depicting Obama as the devil. Why do they get to fuck with our door? No, now is not the time to stand for that. We'll exercise our freedom of speech just as they do, over and over. The election is over and America/the electoral college disagreed with you, is tearing up a photo all your mean little heart can do? I laugh at the superior intellect /Star Trek