September 14, 2009

Love letters to various people and groups

By me.


Dear Teabaggers,

I doubt people in this country that can be bothered with your dumb ass cause. You can't even be bothered to figure out what you're protesting anymore, can you? You should have called more friends and now you look even stupider for not even bothering to doctor up obviously fake fotographs. Deal with it and stop acting like pouty children. Your schtick is so played out it's not funny even in a juvenile way. Like your racist/xenophobic/ignorant ass signs, you're pretty transparent. We all hate you and think you're massively stupid, and you should feel bad.



Dear Philosophy as Conversation class,

Not only did you lie to me by your misleading title but you also make me incredibly sad. It seems not one of you can point out the difference between communism and socialism and you all admit as much. You don't even understand what socialism is and yet you insist on bringing it up. The professor has tried to explain to you and has even called you brain dead a couple of times--because I am one of your number and I DO know the difference between socialism and communism and all those -isms, you make me look bad as well. We're not even on speaking terms at this point because I hate you so damn much. Furthermore you hate being labeled libertarian despite expressing pretty libertarian points of view, including those odious invisible bootstraps. Read the text book and get back to me--or really don't, I don't care.

I hate you,


Dear Catholic Churches of Maine,

Please make yourself useful. Raising money to fight homosexuality is not useful. Jumping off a cliff may be however.



PS: I'm going to read bible slash. Have you heard of it? Google it. You'll love it.

Dear Sherrod Library,

No one likes the Library of Congress system; what's worse is you haven't even FINISHED organizing the books correctly, so instead of finding the African American lit section I was surrounded by wall and walls of Catalan poetry and Old English. Also your elevators are huge and scary and I don't like that.



Dear Kanye West,

If I may, nyucka get real. You made me laugh at the expense of that poor girl Taylor Swift but you really are an ass and I sincerely think you need help. Plus, you protested the wrong event.

better luck next year,


PS: Thanks for setting us back.

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