October 24, 2008

What could I do, if I gave my heart to you?

Fuck you, I quote Guns n Roses anytime!

Alright, sorry. As I keep mentioning lately I've been...moody. I'm almost convinced it's period time even though this has been so weird. For PMS I'm usually just more irate than usual and occasionally depressed, but this has been freaky. I've been horny, sad, sleepy, angry, ANGRY, agitated, agitated & horny, sleepy and angry, sad and ANGRY, and any permutation you can write up if you throw in some serious apathy and insomnia.

In short, I've been a freaking mess. And now suddenly...throw in LOVESICK.

Let me share something with you about Xands. I've actually never had a stable relationship...ever. I just haven't bothered. That's not to say I've never dated, but I'm too...independent for my own good. My last notable relationship, I didn't like the guy with good reason and we tend not to acknowledge our short relationship. I honestly do not care...or so I'd like to think. Unfortunately, at random I go through periods of lovesickness. I guess this is normal considering that I hate everyone, so I do feel lonely. This is not period-time-exclusive, this is a...thing for me.

Unfortunately again, I tend to get attached to random people who display any affection towards me, which I guess you'd call a crush. Crushes such for me because I'll have a torrid love affair with someone in my mind and we'll break up horribly and angstily and that person will be left wondering why I refuse to talk to them ~_~ I lose friends this way and I'm petty.

So now I'm acknowledging this and wondering what I can do about it. Perhaps dating more actively, with decent people who don't just want that one thing. If they exist. I guess I'm finally ready to mingle if I dare. I wonder if I could even maintain a relationship should I decide to start one. But I guess I'll never know until I actually do it, so...hm.

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