July 30, 2008

Female beauty

Bleh, I love beautiful women. I can't think of anyone who doesn't...anyone sane. Not necessarily as a sexual thing, I just love beautiful women. And I think all women are beautiful in their own way *cue "Awwww!"*

Okay okay, that's really idealized but it's ALMOST true...

So, I just got back from east Tennessee because I'm attending college at East Tennessee University. Great school, great staff...but let me just get to the heart of this post.

Two things:

A) This university is majority white, and when I say "majority" I mean "Oh about 50 blacks out of a 1300 strong school"
B) A lot of the student body was, interestingly enough, female

Now...I feel like I'm dancing around it a bit, so let me say it: Wow, I've never seen so many damn unattractive white women in my LIFE.

Good Lord. I have no problem with the school being all white, it's not like that's never happened to me before.

But...it was so strange. All I saw were super-tanned or super-pale white chicks, somehow almost all of them varying shades of blond. It was...almost sickening all the bottle-blonds I saw, all young girls giggling and wearing those ridiculous booty-shorts that people find attractive (oh but they aren't).

And let's add on to that, the layers and layers of make up all these girls wore. Whaaat. It's 90 damn degrees out!

Mothers, daughters...ugh. Why in the world did this bother me? I understand that "blonde/blue eyed" in the Western world is this almost universal standard of beauty. Among whites (although not totally exclusive).

Okay, so I'm trying to figure out what my problem is. I don't really care about make up (never wore it myself though), don't care about the dye thing (not all the girls were dyed and I dye my own hair sometimes), I don't care about the clothes.

I think the obvious thing is that they clashed with my standard of beauty. My standard, in a perfect world, would just be women happy to be themselves. Happy with their own inner beauty, not packing their faces with tons of make up and bleaching the living hell out of their hair.

But I also wonder if it wasn't something a little...underlying. Maybe I was feeling uncomfortable with myself and paranoid being around so many white people at one time. Perhaps I was looking at all these bottle blonde girls and not seeing anyone that looked like me, I got a little insecure maybe. Maybe it was a mixture of both.

I do wish I wouldn't throw myself in these situations sometimes. I didn't talk about this until after we'd left the campus on Saturday and I still turn it over in my head because I'll be seeing these people for, like, the next 4 years starting August 21. Huh-sigh...I get further and further away from the black community.

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