Ambiance

Oh hai there Blogger posse,

I'm alive! As you can see. Even if only barely! And I can rhyme now.

Anyway, I see I've managed to find some new readers, which is too bad because you're probably going to be watching me depression blog very soon.

I've been struggling with issues of self image lately which I guess I'll talk about when I feel like self-pitying enough. One of them being, I think I've been replaced.

Now...losing friends in real life doesn't phase me much because, well, it happens all the time. Like for real, it happens all the time. But I don't like being replaced. I feel like one of my (I thought) (white) friends just mysteriously dropped me after she got mad at me for calling her a cheater after she cheated on a test.

Then she dumped me over Facebook which I guess is officially the end, without ever telling me why. Huh. She still hangs out within our circle which is weird. Hmm, this only bothers me because I feel like I've been replaced with an actual "safe negro" for once. It's something that keeps me up in the wee hours of the morning while I'm having my end of the semester slow break down.

(I'm not kidding)

I never figured out when people began liking me or when I started acting any different. I never thought I'd make friends in high school & like so many things I can't have, I didn't care, so... I blurred the line between acting real and acting fake. I think it's why I suddenly like make up so much. It's..artificial.

Tired hungry cold tired, tired all the time.

I'll have an actual update soon! RIGHT AFTER I get the angst out of my system.