January 8, 2010

Kid's stuff.

Yaay I'm officially back to blogging *sigh* let me start...

I've been thinking all day how to compose this, and I got stuck. I just didn't feel like it, but I felt it was of fair importance. You see, you may have seen this challenge about: if you could, what would you say to your __ (usually 11 or 15) year old self? Look at Stephen Fry's. I thought it was beautiful. This is an interesting exercise and I'd wanted to do my own for a while, but I gave it some thought and realized: I don't actually have much to tell my __ year old self. Not only that but I wouldn't even listen to my current self now, actually--I'm not much for advice. From anyone. And I DAMN sure wouldn't listen to me.

It took me a few weeks but I realized there was an irony in that--I DO have much to tell myself, at any age. And so I will:

Dear E,

Greetings from the future. As you may imagine it's not as awesome as we hoped--no flying cars or anything like that--and things are rather the same. Except you're older, obviously, and you've grown. Not in inches or centimeters unfortunately.

We usually said to ourself, "We have no regrets. Going back in time wouldn't change anything!" and that's actually true, but if I could talk to you now I'd only tell you this to make things easier:

Quit trying to fit in. You're your own person for better or for worse, and honestly there are just going to be some folks that will dislike or not "get" you. And seriously, fuck them.

Be yourself more often because you will relish it. Also watch more cartoons because you're going to miss them.

What you're doing is kid's stuff and unfortunately it will probably haunt you all your days, but you have to make peace with it. Stop hurting yourself because of others.

Speaking of others, start doing things for yourself right this instant. If you keep trying to please other people you'll realize how unpleased you yourself are. And that doesn't benefit you at all.

Be angry. We're unfortunately real good at suppressing emotions and guess what--they do just erupt at random. Badly. You're mad and that's OKAY.

Take help seriously. It's true our first round of "therapy" *cough* was a total joke and I suspected all you wanted were drugs, you li'l addict. But as of now that was pretty much the only shot we got. It's not something we just "grew out of".

You're not alone even when you think you are. Don't be afraid, even if you're not fearless.

Make a few friends. We tend to be a bit...er, judgmental and we thought it was bad. Actually, we're just a harsh judge of character and unfortunately we tend to be right. Keep your friends close and just keep the fuck away from your enemies.

Your parents love you, and you love them, stop playin'.

Your name is not Google or Wikipedia actually, you don't know everything and that's okay.

Keep dreaming because sometimes they're all you have. And when those fail you--and they will--you are all you have.

Don't be afraid to cry.

And that's what I tell you now, which you're free to balk at, but they are surprisingly hard lessons even for a fast learner like us. I'm not sure if I would ever spare us even if I could but maybe I could soften the blows, and they will come.

Take it to heart,


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