PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT from the Bureau of Better People Management

JOB LISTINGS NOW OPEN

Are you flat broke? Was your life lamentable BEFORE the recession? Have you always felt you were something...greater? Do you need some quick cash? A part time job with great benefits?

The time is now and your opportunity is HERE.

It's recently come to my attention that besides myself and maybe 2 other questionable associates, Danz, aka Give Him A Mask has absolutely no people. None. Whatsoever. No back up support willing to question authority. No thoughtful minds. No pot stirrers. No one with a clue or worldly perspective. No one capable of self introspection without getting wildly defensive. Not even an apathetic stoner.

You see, good people, Danz...is POSSELESS.

I've suspected this for a long time but I assuaged myself with the assumption that Danz just had more friends I didn't know about. After all, he lives in Florida and I'm here. But it's become increasingly obvious that Danz suffers from a lack of support from a proper posse. I tried my best to fill all these roles but most are just beyond my capabilities to handle.

WE NEED YOU. AND YOU. AND YOU. EVEN YOU.

And so I am calling for a public outreach. DANZ NEEDS A POSSE. He is surrounded by Glenn Beck-worshiping, Fox-defending, Lou Dobbs-loving, bible thumping, fist shaking, drooling, racist, hipster white fools and a couple of airheads for extra insult. No one should suffer like this.

We have decided to have job applications for Danz's new posse. This will be a great experience for potential employees in fields of mental growth, physical exercise, team work, leadership skills, debate, rhetoric, and ethics.

SO WHAT AM I DOING EXACTLY?

A modern posse is usually no less than two people (the posse leader not included) but often no more than 10 or 15. Modern posses can take form in the Five Man Band such as Voltron or the Magnificent Seven such as the titular movie. Anything else is simply a posse or partners.

A posse of any number consists of four basic parts:

1) The posse leader (in this case, Danz)
2) The side kick (is usually at the posse's side immediately when shit goes down)
3) The back up (usually appears within hours to have the "final say" in any confrontation)
4) Joiners (usually show up any time after the side kick and before/after the back up to gang up on competition. Requires extreme stealth)

The posse leader is only one person but the side kick or back up can contain up to three participants each. Joiners are usually the remainder of the posse and can fulfill any role not taken by the side kick or back up.

Being in a posse does not denote slavish attachment to the posse leader but merely having the posse leader's back in a confrontation, that is to say, loyalty. Depending on the posse leader, democracy is either extremely forbidden or encouraged to a point.

SIGN ME UP

To apply for Danz's posse, one need only get in contact with Danz specifying their specific position request and what you plan on bringing to the posse.

For example:

I AM APPLYING FOR THE POSITION OF: Sidekick

WHY?: Because I am quick with the refresh button and not afraid to embarrass competition over the internet

I...DON'T KNOW WHO I AM

If you're unsure what position you are best suited for, ask for any positions that are left open and Danz will decide. For a more definitive answer, consider this brief questionnaire:

AM I AFFIRMATIVE?

HOW WELL DO I KNOW MY WAY AROUND A KEYBOARD?

DO I HAVE ANY COMPASSION?

DO I THINK PEOPLE OVER THE INTERNET HAVE SOULS?

DO I REALLY WANT TO BE PART OF A POSSE?

WHAT IS MY FAVORITE COLOR?

These questions and the criteria above should aid you in helping you sort out your identity.

For further information, contact Danz.