For girls

Note: This is the better part of a Facebook note aimed at some friends of mine, or rather for them. So if you're hip to all this talk about the evil women's products you can probably stop here, unless you want to see me ramble at 2 in the morning.

Sigh...oh, W. W, again, is our family friend and a bit of a jerk. I'm sure he means well but when it comes to women and race and money, he let's his past experience cloud his mind and fuck up any and all conversation.

So we're driving back from Johnson City (I'm at home now, btw, since Thursday, hoorah) and, because I felt menstrual-ish--I actually can't remember what the hell I was going on about--I started talking about feminine products.

I have some younger lady friends and I get concerned about them in that motherly way (despite the fact that I'm only a few months older than most of them) especially when it comes to health. As I said in the car and I think I actually stole this quote, there is an industry built around female insecurity. And a lot of times this is pretty see through but at other times, you know, you just get so convinced that this stuff is good for you, otherwise why sell it eh? All the propaganda that's in your face to make you "smell good" is just ridiculous...

So, we talk about douching. I say douching is unhealthy, mom wonders why it's sold in stores if it's so unhealthy, W snorts. But he concedes that cigarettes are also unhealthy and sold in stores all across America. Not quite the analogy I'd have gone for but okay, whatever works. We all agree on that.

I also bring up female deodorants. I don't understand the point of these--no one's pussy smells like lilacs and ylang ylang, and spraying alcohol on your vagina makes nooooo sense to me. I bring this up and W snorts again, saying he'd rather his women to smell good when he has "relations" with them. He also makes the age old remarks to tuna.

Well, damnit, when that's all you're worried about when having relations I guess that's why you can't get laid. Your vagina is a self cleansing organ and unless you have a medical condition, your natural smell is what it is. You aren't enhancing it with your little sprays and scented pads, you might actually be making it worse.

So, to recap:

-Don't spray strange things in your vagina
-Unless you have a serious condition, water and mild soap should be fine
-There is some bacteria in your vagina and there's nothing you can do about it
-Douching is really...silly. Water and vinegar? Really? That's a good idea?
-Your man/woman should love you for who you are, not because your vagina smelled like a strawberry field when you first met
-Scented/bleached pads are bad for you
-There is nothing feminine nor hygienic about feminine products. Well, some.

Phew. I feel better.