October 25, 2008

All I am, is pigmentation

Well, before I go to sleep (or wake up depending on when this goes live) I'm going to share with you all a few more reasons why I hardly have patience for anyone anymore, why I need to sleep more, and why there's no self-esteem to go around.

So...this is a little tricky to write without making it seem like I'm talking about anyone in particular--and frankly I don't give a fuck so let me just talk to You. Yes, you. Why not? We haven't talked in a while.

I found myself a little offended at the fact that someone I know is apparently so quick to reduce people of color to mere skin pigmentation. It makes me a little sick that he doesn't see color, just...skin pigmentation. All we are is different in...skin pigmentation.

Why do I feel offended at this? Is it just annoyance in general surfacing?

Let me tell you, I dunno about you guys but I feel like I'm more than mere "skin pigment". I'm not just black or brown; I am me. I'm an individual. I don't like just being randomly stuck in a group because you want to put your little fucking blinders on. Why do people do this? Do I not belong to some sort of culture or are you just afraid to acknowledge me as an individual?

And furthermore, why don't you see color exactly? I don't know how you manage to ignore it unless you just don't know many colored people at all. So you just reduce me to being "black" and that's all it is. There is...anger and rage building at the fact that I am so easily classified by this person; and he is but one person but what about the others like him?

I feel the constant need to re-establish, to re-introduce myself. I am not merely black, but female; not nearly this but this, not nearly that but that. I don't want to do this anymore. Why do I so feel the need to prove my individuality to others? Why must I wear it on my sleeve for you not to reduce me at face value, and why am I so afraid at being reduced?

I wish, occasionally, I weren't so aware of...myself I suppose. I've reached a state of near super-sensitivity and I hate it, but at the same time I don't want it to change.

And now you see what sleep-deprivation can do...and now I'm done being emo I suppose.


  1. I hate people who only judge people by the colour of their skin, it makes my sick.
    You are individual
    You are unique
    Let no man drag you down.

    Great blog my friend :)

  2. Thanks Toasty. And thanks for dropping by :D

  3. I hear what your saying. There certainly isn't one singluar "black experience" or one "right" way to be "black" any more than there is one "white experience" or one right way to be white.

    Barack Obama, Rev. Jesse Jackson, Bill Cosby, Dave Chappelle and Neil deGrasse Tyson (love him!) are diverse individuals. So are James Dobson (I just threw up a little in my mouth), Bruce Springstein, Bill Gates and Elmore Leonard.

    I am an M2F post-op genderqueer person. I am sometimes criticized by other trans people because I feel most comfortable living as a butch lesbian, complete with short spiky hair, sleeveless shirts and jeans.

    I am proud to be living life for the past 15 years as a woman, but have no interest in playing the Barbie-doll, hyperfem girlie girl. That's not me. I'm an individual.

    I love the T-shirt that says, "Don't assume I'm gay. Don't assume I'm not."


Please share some knowledge. Or amuse me at least :O