Tyler Perry & punkification...

That's my woooord...I think? I don't think so...

I know, Tyler Perry isn't QUITE old news but he's getting there. And whether or not he's old news or not, what I'm about to whack over the head is still a dead damn horse. I do this all because my best buddy in the worldses Danibops brought him up. Danz, you see, has never witnessed the...um, something that is Tyler Perry. This text conversation took place betwixt us two, paraphrased because I can't be bothered:

Danz: Now I'm watching Diary of a Mad Black Woman
Me: *dies* play or movie?
Danz: Movie
Me: You a punk.
Danz: How am I a punk? ;_;
Me: Don't watch his movies, they'll punkafy you

Something to that extent. Why do I say that? It's my opinion that Perry's plays are better than his movies (well, his plays don't have Angelaaaa Baaasseeeett *falls over in puddle of drool*) but I've never really been a great fan of his work. After seeing Madea Goes To Jail, Diary of a Mad Black Woman and Madea's Family Reunion I was kinda done and I think he was too.

It's just the preachy nature of his storylines that get me. I'm hoping it doesn't have MUCH to do with the fact that I'm clearly a godless heathen because if I can watch Jesus Christ Superstar and sing that shit in my sleep, I can be fine with overt Christian overtones.

In all there's really only three things that bugs me about any Perry Production (hah) other than his pandering to *ahem* certain crowds (but if that's how he handles business I can't even be mad):

A) Characters and how damn one sided they can be
B) The plots
C) The conclusions

I'm not gonna write an essay with citations and shit but just roll with me a minute because I haven't mentioned Tyler Perry since I saw the first episode of House of Payne, and after my required therapy afterward.

His characters. In plays and movies they get on my nerves. There's the strong willed woman, the bitch ass nigga to use Katt Williams' term, possibly a skank, and the light skinned savior. What an annoying cast they usually turn out to be. But I exclude Madea and her crew because they're amusing to no end and are usually what save Perry from drowning in morality or...or something. That sounded smart okay?

They usually have some kind of stock personality that stays with them more or less for the whole production, usually a few dialogue changes to indicate a turnabout. Ehhh. And his plots--okay, the plot of Madea Goes to Jail and Family Reunion were pretty good. And I gotta give props to Perry for addressing issues that probably would otherwise go unaddressed. But it seems like he's either just run out of stuff to make the church ladies come running or...I don't know. I watched a few eps of House of Payne and thought, "Wtf why is there always a crackhead?" What, is there nothing else to address except crackheads, gangs and infidelity? Come on Tyler, I know there's SOMETHING you want to discuss but you caa-aaan't...

Oh and the endings to his plays. Some of them. This is where I have to go a little anti-religious, but not much. I understand that the power of God is a strong thing for many people and their faith helps them overcome obstacles. But at the end of every play? Do go on Tyler. Can't we just once get a sorta secular ending? Ehhh.

I'm not breaking new ground or anything, just reiterating some old points. And thus concludes my essay on why too much Tyler Perry will punkafy you, your kids, and all of America. Next on my punkification is Justin Timberlake or J Tim as I call him. And he's doing a damn good job of punkifying my ass.

I couldn't stand him. At first. Him and his NSync cronies and his damn first album. What the hell happened with FutureSex? This wigga brought it, him and his fancy dance moves. And after seeing Black Snake Moan a few months ago I finally had to admit, I...kinda like Justin Timberlake. Shit, sign in my street cred already, I'm not apologizing for him or Miley Cyrus.