August 19, 2009

Easing into veggie-territory

So, I'll be going back to school in a week and some change. Yes, yes, don't weep for me. If you've seen any of my school entries you can probably guess how ecstatic I am to go back.

Well, the good thing about being back in the J.C. is that I'll be free to be my own man, lady. I'll get to make my own decisions and this time no one can run back and tell my mommy. This is good and bad.

So in making my own decisions again, I've been thinking about trying a more vegetarian diet.

You see, I've never eaten that much meat to begin with. Not a lot of pork, not a lot of red meat. I'm probably closer to a pescetarian/pollotarian. When I started school last year I quickly became unhappy with the selection of food on campus so I started getting my own groceries. Being a broke ass student earning minimum wage I couldn't afford meat, also the only place I shopped was Kroger and Earthfare, the organic food store.

So when the meat in my diet started to decrease, I was fine with it. I began to think, wow I might actually be able to do this vegetarian thing. I busted up several misconceptions on my own, for example: it was actually cheaper than buying steaks & what not and surprisingly I didn't suddenly become anemic and die. If anything my only problem was dehydration and the treacherous journey to the store itself. It amused me that I'd gone from hating veggies as a kid to vegetables being the only things I could stand, from deriding vegetarians because omg they don't eat teh meats, to MAYBE becoming one.

There's only a few things blocking my journey.

The first being, if I do this I need to discipline myself. Last year I hit a road block. The change, I think, was too sudden and then I just really, really wanted steak. Every time I came home I would get the biggest medium rare (yes, medium rare, bleeding steak) I could and just devour the shit. That was...counterproductive to say the least.

I craved it. I lacked the discipline to say, NO YOU WON'T HAVE STEAK TODAY BAD XANDS. Along with that, to discipline myself I would have needed MOTIVATION. I mean, the only reason I was considering this was because I was and still am broke as hell. I'd rather be buying hair dye & boots and Manic Panic & Demonia don't leave much room for food aye?

Without any proper motivation I thought I'd just forget about it when I got home. I didn't though, I've still been turning it over. I still don't like meat that much, and don't I already buy mostly vegan-friendly products anyway? In trying to be an ethical and therefore better person I've been paying closer attention to what goes in my body. So maybe I have some motivation after all.

In any case, all that doesn't do SHIT when I get home. I barely managed to convince my mom to start buying more organic foods when we could afford it, and honestly if it weren't for her diabetes I may not have gotten that. When I tried to ask about a more plant-based diet she side eye'd me so hard I just hid in the bathroom.

Money is tight. If I don't eat what's in the house I will starve & die and no one will feel bad for me. NO ONE. And if I don't starve & die I will be hit for not eating the food we have to scrounge and save up for. I mean, it's cheap for ME but I can live for a week on twenty to thirty dollars if I shop on my own like a productive member of society.

So when I get home my resolve doesn't necessarily crumble but it's tested. Mom is a good sport when she can afford to be and buys me lots of salads and other greens and every so often she's willing to try my vegan-ish products. It makes me happy.

This goes with something else though. In making my own decisions I need to also meet better people. I really mean it this time--BETTER PEOPLE. Maybe I can find some fellow vegetarians, bonus if they're of some darker shade of brown (tanning doesn't count), it'll be easier. I need to ease myself into this, unlike last time where I freaked and practically ate raw cow because my body missed the comforts of home (despite the fact that...again I don't even eat red meat that often, the fuck was I doing). So we'll see...I don't see this becoming a major part of my identity, kind of like the fact that my ring finger & middle finger are almost the same length (it's so creepy). I don't want to be "omg I'm so awesome coz I'm veg*n!" because I've been in a lull about my personality...yes you can be in a lull about your own personality. I'll try to explain that further sometime.

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