June 1, 2009

Gloomy Bears! (aren't male appropriate)

Well! Since I wasn't doing anything else today, let me tell you about my brosenheim Danzy's day of birth.

Approximately many decades ago sometime in July, the great Earth belched out a pale, fuzzy ball of love and spite. Then the love disappeared and left only spite, and thus Danz was created!

So I think this is my first official year getting him a birthday gift as it's my first official year having money. After searching and searching for something perfect and cheap I've settled on three things:

A hat

A t-shirt

Or a Gloomy Bear:

Gloomy Bears have an interesting (and violent) history. Created by Mori Chack, the bears are the antithesis of the cute widdle cuddly things that saturate the market (and are, strangely, typically for girls). Gloomy Bears don't frolick and play nice, they attack & eat their humans.

Gloomy, an abandoned little bear, is rescued by Pitty (the little boy). At first, he is cute and cuddly, but becomes more wild as he grows up. Since bears do not become attached to people like dogs by nature, Gloomy attacks Pitty even though he is the owner. So Gloomy has blood on him from biting and/or scratching Pitty. The Gloomy with blood is called Chax Colony Edition.

Note: You can also buy the human separate, dead or alive.

Now look at that little thing. It's covered in blood. It ate fecking Santa! It's perfect. I figured since the Labbit apparently went well why not get him another toy to frighten the parents with?

Well if you're like my mother *cough* there's a few reasons you might disagree. For instance, the toy isn't boy appropriate. I don't know how a bloody bear could get anymore boy appropriate but let's look at that logic:

-It's pink
-It's sort of adorable
-It's cuddly
-It's small (well, 10 inches)
-It's pink
-It's a bear
-It's a pink bear
-It's a bear that is pink

We as a society know that boys just abhor all things remotely feminine, so a pink kinda cute bear would just be KRYP-TO-NITE to my male friend wouldn't it? I WILL KILL HIM. Surely a hat or a shirt or something PRACTICAL would be waaay more appropriate.

Okay I'll agree with my own snark on the practical thing *shrug* I think I took more offense to the fact that Danny might not like my hard spent ill-earned money. Was I projecting somehow? I'd actually much rather get a hat for myself. So I've fucked up the gender roles there, I'm getting a hat--a boy thing--for myself and a bear (maybe)--a girl thing--for the man.

The good news is, Danz has low standards and doesn't appear to mind, although I usually don't know what's going on in his enigmatic egg anyway. Well I guess that sets the gender roles back to normal, the man is the strong silent one and I'm the emotional female again.

But, the search for a birthday gift is never ending and I have one more month so I better find something boy appropriate soon...

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