May 9, 2009

Feel Danny's Pain Week 5/11/09

*taps glass* Everyone, it's time we do something different.

My poor friend Danzy is once again in excruciating pain, this time from having his wisdom teeth pulled. Because I am his loyal sibling in love and in suffering I've decided we--that is you and I and whoever chooses to participate--will hold a week in solidarity in which we feel his agony for 7 days a week starting Monday.

Now, because we mortals to our own devices could never fathom the immortal pain Danz is going through at this dark moment in his life, I've come up with theme days. Adhere to them the best of your ability.

Monday: Moping Day

During this day we shall mope about our houses and offices of work, lamenting, rending our clothes and beating our chests. When asked about our activities, we shall merely wail in agony. If you have any blackberry juice or red Kool Aid around the house, keep some around to gargle to give the appearance of extreme suffering and/or puking bile & blood.

Tuesday: Aimlessness Day

If you will, late at night or during rush hour in your city, take your car or other mode of transportation and wander around aimlessly for at least an hour. Stop frequently in the middle of the road when it is safe and even when it is now. When asked about our activities, answer with a sorrowful "WHY?!"

Wednesday: Beat Your Cheeks Day

Getting wisdom teeth pulled hurts. A lot. This day we shall beat our cheeks & face furiously in despair. Severe injury is not required but vaguely encouraged.

Thursday: Ride The Fizzy Dragon Day

On this day we will buy inexplicable amounts of alka seltzer and ingest it, lie in our beds, and simply ride the Fizzy Dragon. Take as much as you like but not as little.

Friday: Senseless Anger Day

Once you are awake from your preferably troubled sleep, you will now experience senseless anger. Rage at those around you then profoundly apologize, only to rage again. When asked about your activities, rage again, then profoundly apologize.

Saturday: Utter Despondence Day

On this day you will feel complete and utter rejection and callousness towards the world, making blackly humorous jokes and not responding to externatal stimuli. You must not answer any questions about your activities or you will defeat the purpose.

Sunday: Sunday

Lie in bed and dream of a better life on this day, one without the pain of having your wisdom teeth pulled.

That's it! Be ready for a week of fun!

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