May 21, 2009

De Interracial Relationships.

Edit: So you know, if you're willing, please throw any advice you have at me for this.

Also, I realized that I left "interracial relationships" kind of vague, but for the purposes of this post I'm talking about pretty much any combo you can think up except for my own experiences with my mother, who isn't exactly "white exclusively" anymore as I said. That's actually YET ANOTHER post for another day, again.

(I'm not jiving you, that's Latin for "on" or ___ for "of")

I'm writing this post not because I felt like I owe you all my stance on interracial relationships (although I'm sure you've always wondered) but because I feel like I have to for myself. Because truthfully I have no idea where I stand on interracial relationships.

"Wtf?!" you may say, "I thought you were all for equality & group hugs?!"

Well sure, but I'm still a human and I have issues. Yeah I may or may not have issues with interracial relationships. In general, I don't care WHO you love as long as you do & it's a good ol' healthy relationship, and whatever personal prejudices I have I keep them out the way. About it in a nutshell.

But since I've gone and come back from the abyss that is East Tennessee State I've been wondering where I really stand on interracial relationships because, to my surprise (another story another day) I was shocked half to death to see white & black couples, black & asians, white & asian, asian & arabic, all kinds of combinations! I was like "WOW racism may finally not exist here, I've finally found the rainbow!" and naturally it did anyway but I digress.

At first I was happy at seeing so many interracial couplings, it was nice. Then I began to get irritated and I didn't know why. Why should I? I mean, I don't hate interracial relationships at all. Or do I?

I think to understand my special relationship with this, we have to go back to my post on my mother that I did some time ago. My mom dates interracially after claiming that she'd never met a black man that treated her right--and with her track record on black men at that point, I have to admit she was probably right. So after her last boyfriend she began dating white men almost exclusively.

This...was ill-fated to say the least. From my perspective the white men she chose to be with demeaned her even more than the black men, treated her like some exotic novelty item. It soon became clear that pleasing these white men too precedence over such basics like, uh, me, so I became resentful of her & these men. My brother & father didn't like it either, but they didn't have to live there. They could leave. I couldn't. I had to sit there and take it. Where was I to go?

But she was happy, or so we all thought anyway, and even when she wasn't she kept going back so what was there to do?

Then, there was my stepfather, which is a sadness unto itself. I can't even give you that whole story right now, but let's say it was so disastrous that I think it pretty much cemented in my mind, at least subconsciously, that interracial relationships are pretty much doomed to fail.

I didn't have many GOOD examples of interracial relationships to combat that notion either, not to mention the general assumption (or at least where I live) that they seldom work regardless of what race combo you can imagine. But I thought, surely they must for SOMEONE and maybe mama's just unlucky...

So, as with many things, I tucked it away only for it to see the light of day in about the last couple of weeks when I've actually TRIED to give some critical thinking to it. And I've got nothing. At all. Again as usual. It's just been rotting on my brain. I've gotten so far as "I don't have a problem with interracial relationships BUT"

I imagine this is what it must be like for people of faith & I dunno, gay marriage. Your fine with it but not the lifestyle. Except interracial marriage isn't a lifestyle (as a matter of fact neither is being gay), it's a choice with two people to be with each other. I can accept the fact that in the end it has little to do with me since relationships as such has been legal and gone through various stages of acceptance for a while now.

I can't accept that it's played on my mind this whole time and is probably clouding my mind with bias as we speak. No, not like a rabid dog that attacks the next thing that moves mind you, but I think it's a maddening poison all the same. It pisses me off to think this way, I guess in the way that it makes us horrified that we're infallible. In any case I'm not sure how to work this one out, except to separate my own prejudices from what I know is right. Just thought you should know.

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