September 5, 2008

Xands is a Heel Episode 1: Intersex

There's two things I want:

-A talk show with that title where I talk about how I'm a heel
-A clothing store called "Grown Ass Folks Clothing"

I'm not going to explain the second one because someone's going to take it before I do ~_~ so why for the first, you can't take that unless you too call yourself Xands. And because there are an awful lot of Alexander/Alexandra/whatevers in the world (fun fact: I'm actually neither an Alexandra/ria or an Alexander btw), point was, I want a show in which I talk about how I'm a heel.

As for why that is, well...I'm a heel. I'm a jerk. Especially when it comes to certain topics. And I like to talk about how I'm a jerk to, say, my parents but typically I do nothing to change it. I just lament on how much of a jerk I am to my mommy, who loves me anyway. Ergo, I'm not merely an asshole and a half but I'm a total heel. Borderline bastard.

You may note from the subject title that I'm apparently a heel about intersex peoples. Firefox is a heel too because it says "intersex" is a typo. Let me tell you why FF and I need to get out of the house:

For one thing, I still refer to them as hermaphrodites even though I think intersex is the preferred term now. I say it in my sleep--damn! And hermaphrodite just sounds so negative now doesn't it?

This was brought on by my browsing of Queers United and I saw this post about a new movie about intersex peoples, called XXY. I thought, "Dude!" in my best surfer voice (and I can do it). A movie about intersex people DONE RIGHT would actually be pretty awesome because, like other marginalized groups, intersex just gets no damn love. At all. I don't know why that is, but I don't know why homophobia exists either *shrug* Alright...well, I think I can kinda GUESS at why that is but--still--shut up I'm still talking.

I must share with you now that it's my dream to write a story with a hermaphrodite main character. YES. One day. I don't know why I haven't done it yet, I must have some...morality? A conscience? Lack of motivation these days? Yeeeah.

I also must share with you that...uh...I think my perfect mate? Would be intersex. I said it. Ask me why!

You, lone reader, look around the room and realize I am indeed speaking to you. Hands in your pockets, you sigh. "Okay, I'll bite. Why?"

Because--and this is why I'm a heel by the way--to me, intersex represents the perfect combination of feminine and masculine. It's like...almost being extremely lazy and never having to choose. I'd have both right there! It's almost spiritual for me, the way I somehow put intersex people on this weird ass pedestal, where feminine and masculine energy is supposed to be combined into one person.

And the reality of that, I don't think it works quite that way. It's a fantasy and my mind doesn't want to seem to admit it (I cry on the lone reader's shoulder here. Sobbingly, I continue). I mean, like anything else, intersex people usually tend to look like you or me (or THEM) and to hold them up on to the standards I can't even explain is creepy and wrong. I think it comes out of frustration & insecurity with myself, as always. Yeah, but seriously, when the hell did I start doing this? But, as usual, to add to my heel-ness I know this and I just kinda accept that I'm dead ass wrong *digs self a grave to die in*

Also about wanting to write intersex fiction. There isn't much of it and what there is of it, uh it's usually not that awesome. So I want to give it a go--but how? My own gender issues might be some sort of insight to how outcast an intersex person might feel, but other than that I have no idea what it's like to be born with female & male parts. Is that enough? Like a heel, for now I'll pretend it is and roll with it.

And that, lone reader, is why I'm a heel.

"Jeez," you say at this point. Your feet are tired as hell because we're standing on marble ground. "That was really pointless and crazy."

In light of this, I shove you out a window.

*Note: I'm not totally ignorant--I don't think--by the way, I do try to educate myself on things I don't understand or misunderstand heavily. So all I'm really trying to talk about here is my past (and some present) confusion about intersex people so I understand if you're all "Uh, wtfh?


  1. Xands,

    Trust the process and take it easy on yourself.

    And just because you're not intersex doesn't mean you can't write a novel with an intersex protagonist.

    I have just begun my second novel and one of the characters is an immigrant from Guatemala. I know very little about Guatemalan culture. But I can read blogs by Guatemalans and do research about the culture and perhaps find some people to interview.

    Some say write what you know. And that's not bad advice. But if people only wrote what they know, there would be no vampire novels or space operas.

    Instead, write what you're passionate about! Write about what fascinates you. You may have to do a little research, but that's okay.

  2. Thanks again for the kind words :D I don't know why I'm so hard on myself...or why I'm so lax on myself in some areas. I should...chill.

    I'm still gonna try this thing with an intersex protagonist though, no doubt about that. It seems that since I have so much, uh, free time all my latent ideas want to roll out at once so it's hard keeping track ~_~ hmm.

  3. Carry a notebook with you or if you're on your computer a lot. Use FreeMind mindmapping software. It's free and it's awesome for brainstorming. Go to to download. I use it when I'm brainstorming stories or blog ideas.

  4. I am writing on behalf of the Organisation Intersex International to add a link to OII, the largest grassroots intersex organisation in the world.

    Our link is

    Kind regards,
    Curtis E. Hinkle
    Founder, Organisation Intersex International


Please share some knowledge. Or amuse me at least :O